My (F27) boyfriend(M27) of 3 years just old me he never liked like my body, sex was O.K., and it’s hard for him to get in the mood because of it. Prior to this he always told me the sex was amazing, the best, and that he really loved it and he had a good time. I honestly thought we had incredibly good sex.
Further context, we live together and have been for about a year. He didn’t tell me these things about my body in an argument or to be nasty, he was speaking honestly. Recently he has broken up with me (2 times) in the past 2 months. Almost the next day he changes his mind and we continue our relationship. In a nutshell we were breaking up because I was feeling like he wasn’t engaging in our relationship. For example, he stopped initiating sex, stopped planning things, stopped doing a lot of the stuff he used to do. I would express these things to him, and he would say he was trying and that he would try harder and then end up breaking up with me.
There has been cheating in our past (from his end) and we broke up and had no contact for a while, then got back together and decided to move in. The cheating was to the full extent; he was sleeping with other people and all the things that came before meeting up and hooking up. The trust was broken, and it really hurt me to go through everything.
To my knowledge he has grown a lot since the cheating and throughout our relationship. We met at 22 and we are now 27 so a lot of time has passed and prior to our romantic relationship we built a strong foundation with our friendship. Aside from being my partner he is my best friend and one of the best friends I have ever had. He has given me access to his phone since getting back together and I haven’t caught him cheating. I’ve found him watching porn or creeping on girls profiles a few times. It did upset me, but I never broke up with him over it as it felt like he had a porn addiction and really wanted to stop.
I would say I am confident person and his cheating never made me feel bad about myself, just heartbroken over the betrayal. I get a lot of male attention, and I’m told I am attractive, I have a lot of extra privilege because of the way I look. I’m not obese but I could stand to lose 10-15 pounds. I have a curvy body, so I do like the extra weight to keep my bums and thighs but being in shape never hurts anyone. The reason for explaining all of that was because he claims he can’t have sex with me because of my body or doesn’t want to have sex because of it. The way he described not liking my body or sex made me feel in the moment I was lie a big, fat, greasy, smelly human. Like he seemed genuinely grossed out and like he had to lie for his life. Prior to him telling me he doesn’t like my body we had sex regularly 4-7 times a week and other stuff in between. I don’t think he’s cheating but I do think he is being honest about the comments he made about my body. When he told me he didn’t like my body it almost felt the same as cheating because he claimed to have been lying about enjoying the sex all along. Another year of lies as he confessed he was never telling the truth all along.
I asked him why he didn’t tell me this from the beginning and he said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I told him this is way worse. He just looked at me with a blank face and apologized. He says he will wait for me to be his body type while I’d work on being more patient with him and over his history of cheating. I agreed because I didn’t want to break up.
I really love this guy and it’s incredibly hard for me to let go. I forgave him for the cheating, and we had extensive conversations and new boundaries revolving around the cheating. I’m unsure of how to go about this. This has been the only long-term relationship I have had that has lasted over a year. We are both super close to each other’s family and friends. Our lives are so intertwined I’m scared to walk away. I am aware I can be a bit naive and too forgiving at times. I hate to see things end with anyone in my life over mistakes, so I am always looking to give people the benefit of doubt. I love living my life that way, I find peace in it. However, since my boyfriend’s cheating and lies I feel as if my boundaries for forgiveness have been pushed back and I’m afraid I’m too forgiving to him. Given this information, should I walk away, can you see his perspective, are the things he has said and done that are unforgivable or unfixable?
**TL;DR** : Been with my boyfriend for 3 years, living together for 1. Recently he’s been less affectionate, stopped initiating sex/plans. During a recent conversation, he admitted he never actually liked my body. Throughout our relationship he constantly told me the sex was amazing and made me believe we had a great sex life. He says he stayed quiet because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings and now says he’ll “wait” for me to become his preferred body type. Am I being naive to stay? Is this fixable, or should I walk away?