Me (30M) and my wife (30F) have been married for four years and we love each other very much. She is amazing and truly *the one*. Her libido is definitely higher than mine and she often wants to have sex, rarely does she reject the idea when I initiate.
But something that's bothering me more and more with time that I've realized, is that while she often wants to have sex with me, I don't feel like she wants me. Whenever she initiates, she would start touching me and kissing me passionately, but almost always she stops, I guess because she wants to see if I'll take charge and continue it. She's been expressing she wants me to take charge more, be more vocal and a bit more rough and I've been improving on that front. But I feel like it always goes through the same steps and it's SO frustrating to get false hope everytime that she wants to get me off just because. Regardless who initiates, maybe I'll get jerked off for a short while before it's me who's playing with her, touching her, getting her wet and ready (which comes pretty easily, I enjoy this part) but after that it's basically straight to PIV. Extremely rare that she by her own initiative will even give me a minute or two of oral. Outside of sex bj's or hj's are very rare as well. More than once the sex has finished with me fingering her to completion, whereupon she will almost right away go on her phone and scroll Instagram or something. Often do I have to say something to even get a handjob to finish me off. The only time I feel like she craves and wants me is when she needs sex. Not ever a hj or bj just because (and when she does it's good, she knows what she's doing. I clearly show how much I like it). I do it for her sometimes without the expectation of sex just because she's my wife and it's fun to get her off. Idk. Am I making sense? She has a high drive but I just don't feel like she wants me, she just wants to satisfy her needs. Am I crazy to feel like my wife should want to make me feel good whether it ends in sex or not? Right now it's always the same and while the sex itself is good it's boring when nothing ever changes, doesn't seem like she's interested in trying anything with me or for me. I take good care of her in bed and she clearly enjoys the sex but It's slowly killing my confidence knowing she doesn't seem to crave and want me the same way I do her. I don't know how to communicate very well when it comes to these things. Rant over I guess. How can I get this across to her without basically telling her she only wants me for sex/her needs?