I feel really bad about posting this, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Am I just immature or is this something other people deal with too?
I feel like once you get married, there is this weird expectation that you are now a part of each others' family, that his family is your family and vice versa, you have to attend family events together etc. I struggle so much with it. How am I expected to pretend to see people who I have known for just a few years and whom I meet maybe once a month as a family? I don't see my husband's family as my family AT ALL, I see them as people who are very different from me and we have nothing in common but I have to put up with them because of my husband. And I'm pretty sure they see me that way too. They never ask about me, they always make me feel like they are checking if I'm a good enough wife (his mother and sister always make comments about how much housework I do compared to my husband etc.). And I understand that. Obviously they should care more for my husband than me. I hate it that the society expects us to ignore this and pretend they are family.
Also, I feel very uncomfortable bringing my husband to my family's events. My parents are good people, but they come from a different culture, sometimes they can come across rude, overwhelming, mean or lacking manners and I don't want my husband to witness that. He says he doesn't mind but we are just in the first year of marriage and there is no guarantee he would not start resenting them with time. Every time we visit my parents, instead of enjoying the time with them, I end up stressing how my husband perceives what they have said or done and I just feel stressed and drained. There is also no room to talk about things that truly matter because we have to include my husband in every conversation and we can't discuss anything private/family related. In the end, it's just a huge waste of time because nobody can be themselves and we end up talking about surface level small talk.
I wish it wasn't expected to merge families like this. It feels so unnatural. I wish I wouldn't have to pretend that my husband's family is my family and that I wouldn't have to share my family with him. I want to enjoy the time with my family alone, like when I was a kid.