My (41F) husband and I (41M) have been married 23 years, mostly happy, and we are solid, we have a great relationship. However, the orgasm gap is insane. In just the last ten years, I have maybe, in a good year, three orgasms during sex to his every single time. It got markedly harder to get there after our second son was born almost twenty years ago, but the last fifteen years it has gotten worse and worse. We do talk about it, and we have a great sex life otherwise; we are enthusiastic and creative and we try new things and we have sex usually six or seven times a week. We are both fit and healthy. I know he wants that for me. But I just can’t seem to get through to him that I need more time, more foreplay, more focused attention so that I can get there too. This is just as much my doing I’m sure too; I know I should bring it up more and be more insistent, but our sex is great otherwise and I could not adore him more and don’t want to make him feel lesser by bringing it up too much. I know I can get there, I have no problem doing that for myself, with and without toys. Sometimes I think it’s not a big deal and I can just keep helping myself out after, and sometimes I’m depressed thinking I’m going to go the rest of my life without that during sex. And the last couple of years my sex drive has been through the roof, so it’s on my mind a lot. I’m not sure if I’m asking for advice or just to see if other people have this same issue, but I would appreciate some input.
tl;dr: a great marriage except for a huge gap in orgasms between the two