My ex-girlfriend F22 ended things with me M27 last Tuesday night, just before we reached two years together.
We were in a very unstable relationship for a long time. I’ve been struggling to find stable work in my field, and she often told me she couldn’t see a future with me because I wasn’t giving her the life she deserved. She called me a loser, said I wasn’t enough, and kept saying she no longer saw herself with me. I believed a lot of that and tried to change, thinking she was hurting herself by pushing love away because of things she had gone through in her past.
But our relationship turned into a cycle of criticism, blocking, silence, insults, and reconciliation. She often told me I didn’t love her the way she needed to be loved, even though I was trying to support her while also working on my career so we could eventually live together. We live in Santiago, Chile, where money, transportation, and work schedules matter a lot. Many times I did not have a car available, gas money, or free time because I was using every spare moment to look for work, improve my portfolio, and make money however I could.
The final argument started because I couldn’t pick her up in a car from her job, which was about two hours away from where I live, and I had planned for us to spend the night at my place and go to the movies the next day. The only realistic option I had at that moment was meeting her near the metro station closest to my place, since I didn’t have enough money for gas and my schedule was limited. She agreed at first, then became cold and canceled. That turned into a fight, and she ended up saying the breakup was because I never really changed, never made her a priority, and never gave her the kind of love she wanted.
What hurts the most is that she used to say the exact opposite. She told me I was the love of her life, that she wanted to marry me, have children with me, and stay with me forever. She said she hated promiscuity and looked down on people who jumped from one person to another. But the same night she broke up with me, she made a Tinder, started posting sexual photos, and began humiliating me on Twitter/X while openly talking about other men. The next day she slept with someone else and posted about it knowing I would probably see it.
I am trying to understand how someone can promise forever, say such intense things, and then switch overnight. Was it all fake? Was she already emotionally gone for a long time? Or is this some kind of self-sabotage or defense mechanism?
I know I made mistakes too, but I never understood how it could go from “you’re my whole future” to public humiliation and sleeping with other people in less than 24 hours.
How does someone go from promising a lifetime together to treating you like this?