Hey. Going to be honest in this post because I think writing it carefully would defeat the point.
I'm 27. Grew up in North India, spent 10 years in the US, ivy league background, worked in big tech, two degrees, the whole resume thing. Until recently I had a stable job, a salary, a bmw suv(which i had to suck up and sell), a life that looked alright from the outside. Then visa issues happened and I had to come back home. Now I'm sitting in my parents small rented house, unemployed, watching my dad's business struggle, watching the job market be brutal, and my mom has started gently asking me about getting married/finding a partner. I don't know what to tell her.
I've been working on myself through all of this. Lost a lot of weight, much fitter than I've been in years. That part feels real and I'm proud of it. But everything else, I genuinely don't know where I stand.
The harder truth is that even before this rough patch, the dating part of my life has just never happened. I'm 5'5, was chubby for most of my adult life due to chronic health issues, had alopecia early and got a hair transplant, not much facial hairs, not the guy who walks into a room and turns heads. I recently figured out I'm neurodivergent which honestly explained a lot about why social situations have always felt like I'm two steps behind everyone else.
The thing that messes with me the most is the invisibility. In every friend group I've been in, I get completely overshadowed by the taller guys around me. I'm not exaggerating. I've watched women light up around them, lean in, laugh harder, pursue conversations, while I'm standing right there a few feet away and might as well not exist. It's not even malice from my friends, it's just what happens automatically every single time. I've never had a woman seem genuinely into me. Never had someone pursue a conversation with me. Never had someone show interest first. Never dated anyone. Years on apps in the US and India with almost nothing.
The couple of physical encounters I have had stuck with me in bad ways. Two out of three women pointed out I have small hands in the bedroom while holding our palms together.
So what I'm trying to understand is, what am I actually missing? Is it just the height and the looks doing all of this, or is there something about the way I show up, the way I carry myself, the way I talk, that I'm not seeing? Because watching it happen to me consistently for over a decade, it's hard to not start thinking it's just me at this point.
For the guys here who started in a similar spot, short, overshadowed, never the first choice, what actually changed for you? What did you stop doing or start doing? And for women, what do you actually notice in a guy who isn't tall and isn't the loudest in the room? Is there a version of attractive that quieter, smaller guys can genuinely access, or is that mostly cope?
I know financial stability is the obvious thing and I'm working on it. I'm asking about the part money doesn't fix. Am I cooked, or is there a real path here for someone like me?