This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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24 comments

  1. So, after second date Sunday she’s open to a third, and has suggested something ‘lowkey’ at her place or mine. Haven’t even kissed yet, but this is basically an invitation for physical contact right?

  2. Advice – would you consider a 2nd date? I went on a 1st date with a guy who spent a lot of it complaining about his job even after I tried to politely redirect “besides work, what do you like to do?” He brought it back 😭 Then later he told me he’s a recovering alcoholic because his divorce was too hard on him and he drank during the day to get by. Also he has a DUI. It just felt like a lot of trauma dumping on a first date. I should mention we got along nicely in general and he’s cute. I’m bad at noting red flags vs being compassionate for the difficulties of being a human in this world so please be kind. Age range: I’m late 30s he’s early 40s.

  3. He turned off his read receipts for me lol I’m cooked aren’t I 🫩

  4. Jumped back on hinge after a few months away, quickly matched with a super cutie. Proceed to exchange 4 messages without her asking any questions. I forgot how delightful this experience is.

  5. I have a date tonight!!!!

    Any tips on how to keep it short? We are meeting for drinks around 7:30, and I’d like to keep it to about an hour or so

  6. Second date is in the works 😊! I was a bit nervous since she had stopped responding to my texts for about a week (I’d send a text every couple days to check on her). I sent one today seeing if she wanted to go on another date after we picked up our pottery we painted on the first date. She was just super busy and feeling down the last few days but agreed to do lunch this weekend.

    Now during the first date she mentioned she loved art and went to school for it. She crochets in her free time. I kinda wanted to give it a go at making something. Is it too much to gift her something I made (hair ornament) on the second date? It’s not finished yet but has been fun challenging myself at something new and something to keep my mind occupied.

  7. Guy I went on 3 dates with in march ended it as he didn’t get the extension he needed to finish his PhD, said he wasn’t seeing anyone else and wasn’t interested in anyone else but just didn’t have the time now as his project was due in June, but he said maybe we could meet up again when he’s done and he asked if he could text every so often and keep in touch which i agreed. I really liked him and even now he’s still on my mind. Im chatting to other guys since and im just not feeling it as he in my mind still.

    He text me 3 weeks after it ended just checking in, we had a bit of a back and forth, the last message was him just saying hope it all goes well about something i had coming up and he’s there if i wanted to talk. I ‘hearted’ the last message and I haven’t heard off him since and its been over a month.

    Would you message to say hi and check in or leave him to it and see if he reaches out in future?

    Part of me thinks… he knows i exist and he told me would be busy, other part of me thought a month is long. I know I’m not a priority at the moment… would you text or leave it?

    Edit: I just text just asking how he is and how his writing is going, so we will see if I get a reply.

  8. While this is just from personal experience, I find people in the dating world just fully contradict themselves with some of their actions, such as wanting “honesty and communication” in their profiles while they ghost. Or complaining about how bad their exes were and then also doing some shady stuff themselves.

    I was seeing someone for a bit and she had a video on her IG dancing to some track with a voice over of someone saying “I will not settle for games, hot and cold messages, leading me on” – not the exact wording – but then absolutely leading me on while I was completely consistent, giving vague answers when ending things. I just keep thinking, what if I did that to you? These people avoid any accountability when things get a tiny bit uncomfortable just to protect themselves, but then have the nerve to complain when someone does the same action towards them. God people are so odd.

  9. Interesting development – last month somebody gave me their number via a mutual friend and we went on a date that I thought was worthy of a second, but they weren’t feeling it which is totally fine. I later heard from the mutual friend that the way I responded was healthy / kind and made them reconsider saying no… but I didn’t hear back. A few days ago I was at work and helped a customer who’d had a bad experience on a previous visit, then the next day I got a text from that date thanking me for having helped their mother. Small world, kinda random and funny, so I mentioned it to the mutual friend who said that as recently as this past weekend I’d been brought up multiple times and there was doubt about having said no so soon.

    So I used this as a little moment to chat and we were already going to be at the same event tomorrow so I’ll try to feel out the vibe. I was honest when I said I would like to be friends if nothing else, so at the very least this is a chance to explore that even if a second date doesn’t appear. This has generally been a nice ego boost, and makes me feel good about the emotional work I’ve put in over the last few years.

  10. What’s a message you’ll never send, the words you left unspoken or the monologue you’d want to yell at that person (think pregnant Charlotte yelling at Big)? Hopefully this can be a cathartic outlet for those who need it.

    Right now, mine is: “I genuinely thought you were a better man than that.”

  11. I met a guy on hinge and we connected over triathlon training. I invited him to run with my running group. I asked him whether he wanted to date or be friends. He said he wanted to date. I added him to my running/cycling group chat…we went on a date and we kissed. After the date a few hours later I was with a friend and she was texting him on Hinge. I expressed that I didn’t like it and I felt super awkward and cringe. He said hopefully I’ll find it funny with time. I said I just didn’t feel comfortable about it. We talked, we ended it, I asked him to leave the group chat….i know it’s early dating but it felt cringe and infuriating he kept saying it’s kinda funny.

  13. So about 2 weeks ago I went on a first date that was fine, good conversation and we had a decent amount in common. I wanted to go on a 2nd date to see if there was more potential but I have truly had an insanely busy 2 weeks and have barely had time to do anything let alone go on more dates (I did squeeze in time with my FWB lol a girl has needs okay!!!) so we haven’t seen each other again. But now I don’t really want to go out again, I just don’t have any real interest in getting to know him more.

    I do feel bad because after the first date I said yes to a 2nd (i did explain my busy schedule) so now I have to go back on that, which isn’t something I like to do. Though we never had concrete plans, it was more of a “okay let’s check in later and see”. So I’ll think of a nice way to politely decline seeing him again.

  14. I don’t know what is in the air lately, but I feel like I’ve been taking L’s from men left and right, romantically and non-romantically. 🙁 I’m genuinely manifesting softer, happier times.

    I had a call today with someone who used to be a mentor to me and I’m honestly leaving the interaction viewing him as an ex-mentor. We hadn’t spoken in two years and within seconds of the call starting, he launched into talking about his money, power, influence, world travels, the rooms he’s in, the people he knows, how everyone else is basically doomed with AI if they’re not “in the conversations,” etc. Never once asked me how I was doing or what’s been happening in my world.

    At one point he was essentially saying, “We’re the ones saving the world. Other people have no idea what’s coming.” The whole conversation felt deeply ego-driven and honestly a little unsettling.

    I gently pointed out that conversations about impact and changing the world should also acknowledge the role privilege, money, access, and connections play. And he completely snapped. Became aggressive, told me I was annoying him, said this wasn’t a productive conversation, and hit me with, “Why are we even here?”

    Mind you, this is a man almost 30 years older than me whose entire brand is built around kindness and compassion. He literally wrote a book about it.

    And all I could think afterward was: would you speak to your daughters this way? Would you want a man speaking to your daughters this way?

    It just felt like such a gross misuse of power and position. I’m so tired of the disrespect, dismissiveness, ego, and lack of consideration I’ve encountered lately. Is it just me!? How do I break this cycle and attract more positivity from the men haha? Everything else is going well in my life thankfully..

  15. It’s pretty funny seeing every millennial at the climbing gym date each other and every Gen Zer be terrified of dating someone at the gym.

  16. He reached for my hand as we were out walking the other night, almost like instinct to hold my hand.. swoon 🥴

  17. Edit: thank you all. I was feeling bad cuz his mom died and we did have a nice time up till that point.

  18. I (32m) [joined a local startup matchmaking service back in early February](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/UH197d3JXu) and have been sharing my experience here ever since.

    [In my last update](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/jv6852GLyB), I mentioned that a potential match I had a first date scheduled with through the matchmaking service canceled last minute after meeting someone else she wanted to explore a connection with.

    Over the weekend, my matchmaker texted me asking if she could send over another profile. She had met someone at a speed dating event she hosted and thought we might be a good match. After looking over the profile, I said “sure, why not,” and she set up a first date for tonight. If it actually happens, it’ll be only my second first date since February despite being shown 16 profiles that never made it to the date stage. I’ll report back tomorrow with how it goes.

    In more important news, I’m excited to finally share something I accomplished this weekend. I’ve hinted a few times that I was working toward a major milestone that’s been 10 years in the making, and it finally happened: I bought my first home.

    Between years of saving, barely being home from working so much overtime, sacrificed vacations and luxuries, and trying to do it in an extremely high cost-of-living city, the dream honestly started to feel impossible at times. But I finally did it.

    I wish my father were here to see it. He passed away a few years ago, and while we had a tumultuous relationship for much of my life because of his anger and addictions, we found peace in his final days. Unfortunately he died before I really had a chance to make him proud of me. But I’m proud of me.

  19. Every woman in my circle is obsessed with this one poly guy and it’s absolutely exhausting because everything about him is the exact kind of man women say they hate. Only talks about himself, constantly brags about people he has worked with, and I have heard him unironically refer to his life as “crushing puss”. The man also genuinely doesn’t know how to cook or clean and his live-in partner does all that for him.

    In the meantime, I literally can’t get a date with anyone for the last year since I broke up with my ex. I’ve shot plenty of shots, and all of them turned me down, most of the time to pursue this guy. It’s so disheartening to have these women tell me what a trustworthy and emotionally intelligent guy I am, and how any woman would be lucky to have me, only for them to throw themselves at this guy who treats women like meat.

    *edited for spelling

  20. Any other guys starting to have Facebook push dating advice reels from assorted dating coaches of both genders? I am and its starting to bug me alot. Not sure if its just my pride being pricked but I’m not finding the “lessons” to be that helpful and the coaches more than a bit condescending

  21. Been going on dates with this woman for almost 2 months now.

    Last night we were chatting over a drink and she mentioned how she’d go to Maui all the time. I asked why Maui of all places and she told me she used to hook up with this old rich guy and he’d fly her to his mansion in Maui, and give her expensive stuff all the time because he likes younger asian women.

    Hearing this gave me such an ick, unfortunately, and I’m not trying to be disrespectful so please don’t jump down my throat over it.

    I was trying not to slut shame so I didn’t say anything negative but I did ask a few questions, like oh did you date him, she said no just sex, she said he was old and gross, but it went on for about a year or so.

    She said she doesn’t talk to him anymore, but this was only 4-5 years ago and she’s 38 so it’s not like this was behaviour of someone in their 20’s which I’d def excuse as lord knows the shit I did in my 20’s.

    If she liked him and dated him I think I’d feel differently, but this feels transactional and gross, from both parties.

    IDK. I want to keep an open mind but it really gave me a gross/uneasy feeling hearing that story and I can’t see her the same anymore. Am I being unreasonable? How do become comfortable with this news?

  22. I posted last week about the ex I hadn’t spoken to in two years inviting me to drinks with his hot ex-girlfriend and not knowing what he/they wanted out of the situation because it was really hard to read even after I got there.

    For anyone curious, I just got confirmation she was the bait to reel me in because he knew I wouldn’t go out with him one-on-one, but I would respond to a cryptic platonic invite. Touché. She is possibly still in love with him, her motivations for being a part of it or whether or not she knew at all were unclear.

    Dude is also recently unemployed, which is not a red flag or dealbreaker at all in and of itself, but randomly trying to reel in an ex you haven’t talked to in 2 years using deception right when you’re laid off is…certainly a move. But, I was curious and now I have my curiosity satisfied, they can have each other. To quote the great Captain Jack Sparrow, “I wash my hands of this weirdness.”

  24. Lately on many subs where dating comes up as a topic, I’ve seen people advising others to *”get off the apps and meet people IRL through social activities”* as if that is some silver bullet for dating in the 21st century. It’s not IMO, and it’s just cope people tell each other on the Internet without saying that dating isn’t going to work for some people out there.

    Yes, dating through any medium is miserable and I think a lot of people posting these thoughts probably haven’t had much success with dating through apps.

    But personally, I am not seeing this bourne out in my daily IRL observations. The vast majority of my acquaintances and friends meet people through apps these days. Yes, there are a few people who still meet through social activities or friends, but it’s a pretty small number and most of these people tend to be women.

    I’ve only heard of one guy meeting someone through a speed dating event, but they have broken up recently.

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