TL;DR: boyfriend cheats on me.
We had been seeing each other for 7 months, 4 of them exclusively. (Him 26, me 29F)
Recently I asked for the label and his first answer was that he wasn't sure that I was the one he was gonna marry, that he needed to be sure and to get to know me better. I told him that was just an excuse and either he wanted to commit or I end things.
Two days before that, he went to a talk for his studies/work to network, and the day after the talk he went for a coffee with a dude that might had a interesting contact. He told me afterwards that it wasn't really relevant in his field but it was interesting. Two days go by after that and I am at his place as always for cooking dinner together and he leaves to buy bread. Then for some reason I am drawn to his PC that he left on, and I saw he had unread messages on the app he use to talk with me only. Turns out the guy, was a girl and he was just fucking flirting. Voice messages, asking for her favourite food, what was her favourite music, mind you he was with me the whole time he was exchanging these messages. I am not proud that I checked the messages, I never did it before and I had never been jealous. When he came back I didn't speak a word and just stared at him, waiting to confess and he did. Insisting that it was just a contact he wanted to get, he wanted to "lure" her in, etc., that I know he doesn't have any dating apps, etc. and I do know that.
I asked him that if that was true, he needed to tell her he has a girlfriend and that I needed to see her answer.
He was super hesitant, saying stuff as im gonna lose no matter what, shes a contact for this startup incubator, etc etc.
He did send it. I wanted to talk but he couldn't manage the embarrassment and was just crying and apologising.
We're gonna talk today. I am so disappointed, disgusted, mad. I can't even cry and I don't know what I should do.
Is this why he said he wasn't 100% sure I was the one he wanted to marry? Why did he agreed on the label? Why didn't he tell me anything? What was his plan all along? Can I ever trust this person again?