I really need relationship advice. Currently in a roommate fase.

Hello everyone. I '29F' have been with my husband '29M' for 8 years. Been married for 3. We have a almost 2 year old daughter and I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with our son. My husband works a lot, but most of his free time is spent playing PC games with a few of his friends. Here is where I need advice. I hardly get any time with him, but the only time he wants to spend with me is when he wants sex.

Our sex life is basically non-existent, since I always make the excuse that I am tired or I actually go to bed around 9- 10 ish where he comes to bed around 11.

I think out problems started before marriage. Due to religion we never actually had sex before marriage, but we used to fool around whenever we could without actually having sex (oral, petting etc). I think my attraction started slipping when my weight became a problem. At age 21 I lost an ovary due to stage 4 endometriosis. I had to go on a heavy dose of hormone treatment and that affected my weight a lot. Since then he made a few comments and we had a lot of fights about it. One fight still stays with me where he told me he would propose to me when I lose some weight. It did not happen since he proposed and we got married anyway. I got pregnant exactly a year after we got married and the first few months were tough as it is normal for first time parents. I started working after my four month maternity leave a lot of it remotely but then decided to be a SAHM. Just after four months on our 2 year anniversary is when things actually took a turn. He compared me to one of our mutual friends from school who actually had a 1 year old baby and started working out again. This was when our daughter was only 4 months old. I told him this and he told me I could start early. But the thing was I was still busy working and taking care of our child and since I was working from home a lot of the in home chores fell on me. Except the cooking, since he loves to cook. We had a huge fight, in a restaurant BTW, and that led to me basically pulling away. A lot of things were said that night about him not being happy, and not really wanting to come home since he didn't like being home etc. I wouldn't say I wasn't at fault as I was tired and overwhelmed and I sometimes have a temper. So I wanted to work on it. Long story short, me being a SAHM became a problem too since he started working more hours to cover my salary too. I don't know why we still have financial issues as he works a lot of overtime. He also drinks a lot and vapes. Last year I found out I was pregnant again (my due date is a month apart from my daughter's 2nd birthday) and I can count on one hand the times we had sex. I just feel like it is a chore. I dont know how to fix it. He does try, but I decline a lot since when we actually do it, it does not feel intimate at all. I feel nothing and I am scared I'll always feel nothing. He has confessed to me that he does jerk off a lot, which I actually don't have a problem with. I asked him to have a kind of date night every Thursday and we had one, and the rest was postponed(canceled) and this week he forgot, and I am too stubborn to be the one to go to him and say "Hey it's Thursday, date night". He was on his games. And that's pretty much our life. I take care of our daughter. He works, comes home, maybe cook since he hasn't done much of that, and then goes to play games. He doesnt even eat with us since he only eats once a day and that is lunch at work. I really need advice on how to change this. I don't know what to do. Money is also a topic we fight on a lot, since he is the one bringing in the money and I don't work. Its that typical thing I feel most men think. You are only worth successful in life when you bring in money. He wanted me to start a sideline a few times, but I don't have the money to do it.

Just to make things clear :

  1. Divorce is a last resort here. As I dont have the money to contact a lawyer and because of our kids.

  2. Separation is also not an option right now.

  3. Counseling is also very expensive and my husband is sort of against it as he has childhood trauma because of it.

TL;DR

Is this relationship going nowhere slowly?


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