I personally think it’s just SO rude to be on your phone in a social setting but others do not feel the same way and think you must just have nobody messaging you or something 🤷♀️ I’m in my late 20s for context.
I think it just removes the whole point of “socialising with people” if you can’t go an hour without it. I love people who say oh sorry I just have to text this person because of this… then they’re present again.
Thoughts?
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Depends on the context. Wouldn’t do it when there are new people around or people I havent met in a while. But if there are nothing to talk about its okay
It’s extremely rude. There’s even those who call another “friend” and dissapear to the bathroom.
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It’s an instant turnoff for me.
I was traveling on a bus, and I usually get along well with people and make them feel comfortable. Almost everyone I meet ends up becoming friendly with me. I like helping people when it’s within my capacity. I run a startup and have solid connections, so I often help with job referrals.
I met a guy sitting next to me (very extroverted), about two years younger, but he lacked basic social etiquette. While I was trying to have a proper conversation, asking about him and discussing opportunities, he kept scrolling reels on loudspeaker and talking to me at the same time, with most of his attention on his phone.
He even asked if I could help him get a job. I said sure and explained what steps he needed to take next. My mistake was sharing my number. After the trip, he called me repeatedly, around 10 times in a row, which I declined and later blocked his number. His earlier behavior during our conversation already came across as rude.
If he had behaved properly, I would have definitely helped him.
yeah if you guys have decided to hang out together i think it’s a no phone zone but if it’s a bunch of people together then i don’t think it matters as much if someone checks their phone. just my opinion.
I think people are just too sensitive to discomfort and that’s why they do it. The awkward pauses, not knowing what to say next, etc. So I interpret it as a lack of social skill and an inability to handle social discomfort. It’s like a low-level drug problem.
yeah i think it’s really rude in a small social setting especially when it’s full blast. i do it in unfamiliar places but when a friend pulls out their phone to scroll while we are at a restaurant or such i think it’s really rude.
Agreed, I reckon we old-school like that.
I don’t know. I hear what others are saying about awkward silences and such, and I think in some situations that’s probably totally accurate. But, I also think a lot of people just don’t care anymore, and I feel like it’s even more awkward than silence when you can tell that the people you’re with just aren’t even interested in being there…
A couple of years ago I was at a dinner/event at my best friends home, with a group of 8 or so, that we all consider our closest friends… and at one point I looked around the table and I was literally the only one not on my phone… my one friend was even watching YouTube. Others were texting, one playing a mobile game… it was actually very enlightening, in a really sad way.
Oh man, you’d hate me. (Context: 23m, with AuHD), I’m usually playing my music on my phone, (with earbuds in) but depending and where I’m at and who I’m with, I can go without my phone unless I get a call or text (I’ll check it momentarily just in case it’s important), or if I’m just bored. Which I usually am. Also I generally don’t talk to strangers, I mind my own business.
It depends. I don’t usually do it, but if a conversation is excruciatingly boring to me, I’ll do it with no shame. This happened a year ago at a dinner with friends. One friend got mad at me for being on my phone instead of engaging in the convo. I told him that he had been venting about work for half an hour and I was done with it. My other friends laughed, and he kept going on about his problems. Whatever.
I don’t let it bother me when people do this, but I’m entirely mindful to never pull out my phone when socializing unless everyone’s taking a minute break or there’s a business-related message I have to take. Otherwise, everyone and everything can always wait.
I’ve noticed with others, they have no self-control over checking notifications and often get distracted easily.
I don’t like it, but there’s also an internet culture out there where people expect you to be “always on” no matter what you’re doing. It’s crazy.
I think it’s rude when I’m hanging with a friend one on one and they answer a phone call and start talking on the phone for like 10+ mins.
It’s happened to me once or twice and it felt oddly intentionally disrespectful and passive aggressive. They didn’t even excuse themselves.
I just wanted to say that personally I also hate it. Late 20s as well. What’s the point of even spending time with another person if you’re not even really going to be there. Even if it’s just sometimes, that person essentially disappears for that moment
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i agree. its definitely a fidget for some
I think it depends. If they’re spending a significant portion of the time staring at their phone screen, off in their own little world, and not really being present with the group around, that’s a problem. However, there are some uses that I think are acceptable, such as:
* pulling up things to share to the people you’re with (something to show, read aloud, or reference)
* Googling information relevant to something that came up in the conversation
* communicating with people who are in some way related to your group (e.g. people who are running late, or people known to the group) or to a topic being discussed
* when making plans, checking your calendar for availability or adding something to it (or to-do lists)
* taking notes on the conversation (if it’s something that they think warrants notetaking)
* briefly checking the time (or, when needed, the weather or traffic)
* restaurants that use QR codes for their menus, etc.
There’s also the possibility that someone could get a text or call about something that is actually important, even if it doesn’t pertain to the group they’re with. For calls, it’s usually better to step away from the group, unless something comes up in the call that’s relevant to the people in the group. Many texts and phone conversations are not important and can wait, though that varies from person to person. Some people work on-call jobs, for example.
For me, it depends. I think it’s rude to take long phone calls or ignore the person who’s speaking just to look at your phone. But if we’re both not actively engaging with each other, I really don’t care if you scroll to a bit. Me and my friends are yappers, so we don’t need to use our phones much unless we’re showing each other something on our phones.
It’s rude …. And clearly is a sign that they are not interested in socializing…. Typically people will say “sorry don’t mean to be on my phone but I need to check in with xyz” (if it’s urgent).
I had a friend who would literally answer phone calls and have a full conversations when a group (3-4 people) of us would go out to eat at a restaurant. She would sit at the table and just talk on the phone at like no one else was around. She would not excuse herself, apologize or answer it really quick check for emergency and hang up. We kindly tried to explain that it’s not really proper way of doing things nicely but she didn’t understand and thought we were being petty.
Nothing wrong with either approach because I’m not judgmental and realize other people have their own values and reasons that may differ from my own and I’m ok with that without getting riled up about it on either side of my own opinion.
I’m regularly on my phone in public because I’m anxious all the time and needing some distractions. I do that 24/7 too and I don’t hang out with a lot of people IRL.
If it’s your friend you’re hanging out with though… definitely have some conversation about it.
It depends on life circumstances, time of day, and a bunch of other factors. I’m a parent. All of my parent friends keep their phones nearby and check when their kids text them, the baby sitter texts them or the other parent texts them, then take a second to respond if necessary. No one seems to mind. Similarly, if you have aging parents or are a caretaker of any other sort, you’ll have your phone at the ready to deal with any issues.
If you’re meeting during the work day, you may be interrupted by work-related messages, and that is ok too.
Most of my friends have kids and jobs and full lives…so sometimes we do have responsibilities that require us to focus on a higher priority for communication for a moment or to check in on other things and then go back to enjoying the night out (or we need to leave early, cut it short, shift plans, etc).
We all try to not be on phones just scrolling. Or we communicate what’s up. And we try to enjoy each other’s company when and where we can.
I might be overly attached to my partner but I can’t let them wait for hours while I am out with friends. Generally agree with you but there are some exceptions. I always apologize, and let my friends know I need to send a message or answer a client request quickly. Or hey sorry , my mom is calling me.