My ex-girlfriend (21F) and I (23M) broke up about two months ago because of mistakes I made during the relationship.
There were private things between us that should have stayed between us, but I didn’t keep them private. She was not comfortable with that, and it made her feel like our relationship did not have enough privacy.
She was also afraid that my parents had too much influence over me and that they might end up deciding certain things for me instead of me making my own decisions. She tried to tell me multiple times how much this affected her, but I didn’t respond or change in the way I should have at the time.
A few weeks before the breakup, I noticed that something had changed between us. I reflected on what I had been doing wrong and started making the necessary changes. But by then, it was too late. The pain I caused her, including nights where she cried because of the situation, eventually led her to ask for a breakup.
During the first week after the breakup, I tried to tell her that I had really changed and that I would never put her through that again. But I understand why it was hard for her to believe me. Change is not something you can prove with words in a few days, especially after someone has been hurt repeatedly.
It has now been two months since the breakup, and we still talk every day. I also see her every now and then, usually about once a week. Yesterday, I asked her if we could get back together. I hadn’t asked her during the past two months because we were both under pressure from our studies, and I didn’t want to add to her stress.
I also prepared a surprise for her. She really loved and appreciated it, but she told me she is not ready for us to be together again yet.
We ended up talking for about an hour in my car. We both said that we don’t think we’ll find another partner like each other. I told her I don’t want to try with someone else because I feel like I would just be looking for another version of her, and I don’t want to hurt another person while I’m still emotionally attached to her.
She told me that I haven’t lost her, but that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. She is in a crucial year of her studies, and she doesn’t want her mental health to be affected again in the near future.
We both promised each other that we won’t see other people until we’re both ready to date again, and that we’ll continue talking every day because we really care about each other. After having the conversation, we spent some time being emotionally and physically affectionate.
I know I hurt her, and I know I can’t rush her healing. I also know that I need to keep working on myself and prove through my actions, not just words, that I’ve changed , especially when it comes to keeping our private matters private and making my own decisions without letting my parents interfere.
I know it’s not guaranteed that we’ll get back together, but I really love this woman. I’m willing to wait for her to be ready again because seeing her happy, doing well, and celebrating her achievements genuinely makes me happy.