Hi!
(We were friends for like 5 months and dated for like 8 months and got married like 10 months ago)
I got married about ten months ago to the woman I love. We come from different ethnic backgrounds. After the wedding we moved to my country. Honestly we struggled a bit there. She has the nationality of that country. I had a residence permit through my job. My income dropped but we kept working remotely. Then she changed jobs, ran into problems, then changed again. Her work situation was never stable, plus she had her own debt to pay off. Eventually she decided to go back to the country where we used to live because she found a good job there. I suggested we stay together and figure things out for both of us, but she refused. She wanted to go first and I would join later. To make that happen she used all my savings to set up her life there for work. Honestly I won't be using that money anyway because I won't live in the place she got. We would need a different home when I return, so I will have to save from scratch, and she will need to pay me back what she took. For the past two months we have been doing long distance. It is very hard. But I was clear with her that a daily call is something I cannot compromise on. Then she decided to attend a family event in her home country, where her family lives. Around the same time I broke my leg. I told her clearly that I needed a daily call even more now. The truth is I depend on her emotionally and mentally to get through this. I think that is normal. She is my wife, so it is natural to lean on her when I am in a bad place. And I am not asking for much. I am not asking her to drop everything and fly to me. Just one call, maybe five to ten minutes, while she is already with her family. The first two days she stuck to the call. I could see she was trying to win her family's sympathy. She had a long history of problems with them. She exhausted herself with them. For example, after a seven hour flight across the ocean she did not rest. She just went straight with her mother to help with housework or run errands. After those two days she stopped calling. I did not blame her. I just said I was not doing well because we did not have the call. I thought I needed some time to process it. But the next day she said something that made it very clear she does not see the call as important. For her it is just something that can easily be skipped to do other things. So I told myself, fine. If it is that easy for her, then I do not want to depend on her call or her support anymore. I will stay like this for a month. I do not want any calls during that month. I want to train myself not to need her help again. Especially because a month earlier she had hinted that she might not be there for an important academic milestone of mine, even though we had agreed she would attend when I reached that point. So my mind was telling me, let us not depend on her. I told her I did not want any calls until I solve my current problem and get back to normal life. I said I do not want to depend on her to get through this. She can focus on her life and whatever she is doing. We can still text each other if something important comes up. She got furious when she heard that. Especially because I said I do not want to depend on her. She accused me of having a problem with her doing anything outside our married life, like being busy with her family in this case. That is not true. Throughout our relationship she has given priority to her friends and other things many times, and I never made a fuss. But when she came with me to my country, she would explode every time I went out with my friends without her. She even asked for divorce more than once just because I went out with friends and stayed out late. This happened maybe once a month. And by the way, she refused to come with me or have them over at our home. She called me selfish. She said I do not accept her and I do not accept that she is busy. The truth is I really do not accept being at the bottom of my wife's priority list while she is at the top of mine. And instead of fighting with her, I just thought I would get through my hardship alone, without depending on someone who puts me at the bottom, if I am even on the list at all. So what do you think? Am I really selfish? And by the way, after calling me selfish, she asked for divorce again (which is actually her routine i can say! But the difference that thsi time i really think i can do it without regretting so much)