So I know this might be very insignificant but it’s been annoying me, so before I go into the moment I want to talk about I have to give some context on our relationship.
We started dating around two years ago, we both met in uni as undergraduate students. It was pretty quick, we hung out for like 1month, our personalities really matched, we’re both very loud, talkative and into the same things (anime, cinema, video games and swimming.) So we just clicked. It also seemed like we had the same preferences for a relationship.
Alright so around a year ago, we had a discussion about opening our relationship (she brought it up.) I was unsure so then she said, we could start with flirting, and then we’d see how we would react to us flirting with other people. So we go one day to the gym together, and she left me by myself for a minute and a girl approaches me. She was pretty, not my type, because I prefer taller and curvier women, but she was pretty. We talked a bit and exchanged instas, she asked me my age and I asked hers, she was 19. It was a bit young for me but I still got her insta. Then my girlfriend comes back after the girl leaves, she told me she was the whole interaction and told me she was creeped out by it.
I immediately asked if I had acted creepy or looked creepy? And she tells me, not necessarily me, but it’s the fact I’m older (24) and compared to the girl who did look young, it looked gross. So I told her she was 19 and she was like, «it’s still gross», you look too old for her.
For context, thats one of my insecurities, the fact that I’ve always (since being a teenager) looked older, at 14 people told me I looked 19, at 16 people said 21, at 20 people said 25 and at 24 people guessed like 30ish. I’m not unattractive to most people, I just look older because of my facial hair, and my skin is more rugged I think?
Ok so I brushed it off. But then for a whole week she would clown me, everytime we saw a younger woman / girl in public, shed be like « are you gonna creep on her too? » etc. She even joked about it with her girlfriends, and would jokingly call me grandpa or whatever. After that we dropped the opening the relationship idea.
I brushed it off.
But last friday, we had a friend’s night at our place and drank a bit, and played a truth or dare game. When it was her turn, one of her friends asked her truth or dare, she said truth. She asked « when and how did you lose your virginity? »
My girl said « at 18, at some random guy’s place. » One of my friends said « college dorms? » and she replied « no he was older, he lived in an apartment by himself. » so I bluntly asked how old and she said « 24.»
That immediately kind of stung but I let it pass. The next day, after the drunkenness passed, I questioned her again when we were alone, and told her « you’ve never told me about this 24yo guy.» and she just smiled and said « I don’t have to share everything with you. » I was a bit annoyed and I thought back to how she acted with me back when I was speaking w/ the 19yo girl. So I told her « I thought you said 24yos and teenage girls was very creepy.» and she quickly replied « with you, because you look old as fuck, you look 30, but he looked 19 so it wasn’t that bad.»
That instantly pissed me off so I said « whether he looks 30 or 19 he was still 24.» and she said « yes but he was so sweet, so gentle and he wasn’t a creep at all, plus he looked and acted like a teenage boy so it didn’t feel weird.»
By then I was fuming so I just left, and yesterday I inquired her again, because it still stings a bit, so I tried to act like it didn’t bother just to know more about this guy. She opened up and told me that she met him for the first time when she was looking for a student job in a cafe, he was another employee, the trainer. He trained her her first day, and then he gave her his insta in case « she needed help with anything.» They ended firing her after 3 weeks because she kept being late and doing no shows.
But they kept talking on insta, and he would like all her posts, comment on her stories, etc. And at some point, he texted her to know if she’d be down to hangout to chill. One thing lead to another, she ended up going to his place and they talked for a while, before snuggling together, making out for like 20mins, and then he started touching her body, and he asked if she had ever seen a dick, and she said no, so he showed her his dick and she gave him a handjob, then a blowjob and then she happily did something with him that she’s never done with me, because when I asked her if she’d want to (it’s one my kinks, especially since she got the perfect body for it…) she told me she wasn’t interested because women get no pleasure from it…
So all of this really pissed me off, and I asked her if maybe he had like manipulated her and used just for sex or if he was creepy with girls in general and she said « No he would never, he was such a gentleman, never pressured me to do anything, I did it all of my own will, he never even texted anything sexual, he was always respectful.»
So like this morning I got up, went to the gym, and after that have spent my whole day in a fucking library, it’s raining outside. Because she’s at home, the whole day, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not, but I’m really fucking annoyed with her and her double standards and hypocrisy, but I don’t know how to address it…
Sorry for making you lose your time with this pointless post…
TL;DR : My girlfriend called me a creep last year (when I was 24) because I spoke with a 19yo girl at the gym after she told me she wanted us to open the relationship. But then I discovered she lost her virginity to a 24yo man at 18, and confronted her, and she said it’s not the same because the guy didn’t look old like me so it’s not creepy for him… So I’m annoyed at her double standard.