Warning: long post ahead lol.
TL;DR:
23 year old autistic guy from a small town in Chile. Never really learned how to approach women romantically, dating apps haven’t worked much, and I struggle with deeper social connections despite being friendly and social at work. Looking for advice on how someone like me can realistically meet people and build a healthy relationship without relying on parties or similar.
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I’m a 23 year old guy from a small town in Chile, and I wanted to ask for some honest dating advice, especially from people who understand autism or have experience dating someone autistic.
I was diagnosed with level 1 autism later in life, so I'm definitely not the worse case hahaha, but socializing has always been complicated for me. I can handle casual conversations in a decent way now because I work at a flea market and talk to people every day, but building deeper emotional connections is still really hard for me.
I also have ADHD.
I’m short (around 5’5), but honestly that’s never been one of my biggest insecurities lol. I’m also on the heavier side, but I’ve been improving a lot and already lost 44 pounds so far.
Outside of work, I have a lot of hobbies and projects:
– woodworking
– welding and metalworking
– drawing and painting
– repairing electronics
– restoring old tools
– programming
– reading and writing
– learning random practical skills
I’ve joined art workshops before, and I do have a small but close group of friends.
I study programming-related stuff at university because I genuinely enjoy it.
I’m more of a calm homebody than a party person. I live with my mom, help financially at home, and usually repair whatever breaks around the house. My life is simple, but stable.
I also struggle with depression, but since some years I have been on therapy and medication, and I actively try to take care of my mental health instead of ignoring it.
The biggest issue is probably this:
I’ve never actually approached a girl in real life with romantic intentions before.
I can be friendly and cordial, but I genuinely don’t know how to cross that line into flirting or expressing interest.
I also don’t really have female friends. I had one close female friend back in school for a couple of years, but after that I just kind of stopped understanding girls socially. I know that sounds weird, but it’s the best way I can explain it.
I’ve used dating apps for around 5 years with very little success. I almost got into a relationship once, but we ended up wanting different things. It still ended respectfully though.
I’m open to dating both neurotypical and neurodivergent women. Honestly, emotional compatibility and kindness matter more to me than anything else.
I’m willing to join workshops, hobby groups, or social activities to meet people, but because I live in a small town, those spaces are pretty rare here. And when I have gone, I was usually the youngest person there by at least 10 years lol. Personally, that age gap feels too big for me romantically.
And before anyone suggests it:
Parties and clubbing are probably not happening. Those environments completely drain me socially.
I know I’m probably not the ideal guy on paper. Autism and ADHD can make relationships harder, and I completely understand that not everyone wants to deal with that.
But I genuinely want connection.Not hookups or casual sex tbh. I want someone to share affection, quiet moments, hobbies, and emotional safety with.
Honestly, one of the things I want most is something as simple as laying my head on a girl’s chest after a long day and feeling safe there. That probably sounds cheesy, but it’s true 🙂↕️.
So I guess my questions are:
– How does someone like me actually approach dating in a healthy way?
– How do you learn romantic/social skills later in life when you missed those experiences growing up?
– And realistically, where do people like me even meet potential partners nowadays?