Guys. I think today is the day, I am feeling all over the place about it.
I have this thing about being eaten out.
I guess it started with my ex 8 years ago. He was my first everything and ate me out a couple of times. It was not enjoyable. Sex with him in general wasnt enjoyable, it was just experiencing the motions really. I feel like a big part of it was because he was on strong antidepressants so couldn't perform as he wanted to so tried to make up with it in other ways,and did way too much.
He hlgenuinely once ate me out for 6 hours straight. It was odd, it wasnt non consensual, but I also didnt have the balls to ask him wtf he was doing and to stop.
It did nothing for me.
Now its my current boyfriend. Great guy, great sex. He ate me out once 5 years ago and I could see he didnt enjoy it despite him trying to hide it. We were both god awful at sex back then in so many ways lol.
But here we are now. He occasionally is offering to eat me out. I keep refusing because I dont want him to not enjoy it. I feel like it would make me feel worse about it all.
I secretly desire nothing more then him to put his mouth on me. In practice it feels disgusting.
Yesterday he said he didnt care he wanted to do it. It lasted 5 seconds and I loved it. I also panicked and pushed him off. That was that.
He said we can try again today if I wanted to. I kind of do, I kind of dont.
I just dont want him to hate the experience. It would feel so embarrassing for me to enjoy it while he feels forced to continue because its been such a struggle for us to get to this.
I dont know. Please help.