I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. Initially everything was fine, but over time I feel like my brain changed completely.
I realized I constantly crave feminine attention now. Not even because of the LDR itself maybe, but because of years of porn, soft porn, excessive masturbation, scrolling etc. It feels like my dopamine system got fried and now I always need “newness.” Even if I already have female friends or a girlfriend, my brain keeps searching for new girls every month.
I’ve completely lost interest in my relationship emotionally and at the same time I can’t form real connections with new people either.
What hurts more is I genuinely don’t think I’m a creepy guy. I rarely approach girls randomly. But if I never approach, years pass and nothing happens. I tried library, college, dating apps, walking garden etc. Conversations happen for a few days then everyone disappears and I’m back to being alone.
People tell me I’m good looking, but honestly I’ve never felt important in anyone’s life. Even from childhood I always felt like a side character. Teachers never remembered me, friend groups never treated me like a close friend, I never had a real “best friend.” Everyone just moves on silently.
Recently I approached a junior in library casually and she became very interested. Then another girl in a garden gave me a completely ignoring vibe and that rejection affected me way more than it should’ve. I think I’ve become emotionally dependent on female validation now.
Nowadays I walk alone in college constantly scanning girls in malls, roads, library, college etc and I hate that my mind became like this.
One friend even suggested seeing a prostitute just to release this dopamine addiction but I honestly don’t think that fixes the real issue.
Has anyone dealt with this??