So I'm in a bit of a pickle. Basically, I have no friends beyond coworkers, classmates, and even they are questionable at this point.
Idk why, but no one invites me places or seems interested in anything beyond surface-level conversation. I wouldn't call myself an introvert, though I tend to be on the more reserved side. But I ask questions, express interest in others, listen with intention… and yet no one gives me a second thought.
I have a group of girls at grad school who I bonded with the first few months, and then as I continued working part-time while they spent most of their time studying together, I guess I missed out on a lot. Now they hang out regularly outside of school, call/text each other, even made plans in front of my face today, without including me. Some might say f-them, these probably aren't your friends or people you want around you anyway. I also will not stay where I am not wanted, nor beg for the bare minimum. But this also happened in college. And in high school. And (you guessed it) middle school. It's like I will start out fine, make acquaintances, but then that's it. It never progresses any further than "hey, how are you?" when they see you and that's about it. Even worse, no one stays in touch, asks to hang out, etc. Just a bunch of dead-end friendships.
I have also given friendship apps a try, and it's pretty much the same thing… dry texting and awkward conversation with little reciprocation. Only 1 "friend date" made it off the app, and unfortunately that fizzled out after a few months due to other reasons (but hanging out a few times in person was a record for me!)
I've given this A LOT of thought, because wtf could be so wrong with me? Yes, I was raised kind of sheltered, and yes I had overprotective parents who were scared to let me go to so much as a birthday party in kindergarten. And yes, I am not necessarily the most talkative nor emotionally trusting person.
I just find it incredibly difficult to make/maintain friendships that aren't surface level. It's like I can't "advance" to the next level of depth when I meet someone. Not sure if I'm not picking up on social cues, or not having the right conversations, or maybe my body language suggests I'm not interested (I literally smile and wave at people I recognize, and they will wave back and that's it). Even trying to stay in touch over text or social media, I lowkey feel annoying and boring, so I most of the time I don't end up reaching out to anybody (speaking of, what do you even text your friends about?) Clearly, there is something I am missing.
Sorry for the long read, but would love to hear your thoughts!!