27M. I’m not sure if this is just a specific problem for me or if anyone else has experienced this.
I was in Europe for a while. The girls there are sooo much nicer. They put in so much effort in dating, texting, etc. They help plan dates. Dates are simpler, they’re more so to get to know each other. We would talk for HOURS and text for hours too (I’m a huge texter). They also put more effort in their outfits/appearance even if it’s just to get coffee during the day.
Meanwhile in America it feels like the effort is all left to the guy. Dates feel more like “how well can you impress me”. There’s less substance in texting. One word replies are soooo common. A simple museum date would not fly here. Also, your social media presence and friend circle matter so much here. Not only do you have to have a good social status, your friends do to.
Has anyone else experienced this? I feel so unmotivated to talk to girls here now.
For context, I spent time in Spain, France, and the UK.
Very important note, I get maybe 1 like on dating apps here every 5 months here vs 2-3 matches sometimes in a day in Europe depending on how active I am.
26 comments
man i feel that, it’s like dating in the US is a whole different game. it’s tough when you’ve seen how genuine connections can be overseas, no wonder you’re feeling unmotivated. maybe try finding some communities or spaces where people value that effort more?
i feel you, dating in america can be frustrating compared to the more laid-back vibes in europe. it’s like the expectations are way higher here, and the effort is often one-sided. maybe try to focus on finding people who vibe with your style, even if it takes longer
Aren’t you also riding the outsider status in Europe? So you’re getting an auto boost in interest just because you have something unique and different going for you versus all the locals there.
It sucks in Canada too. Seems like all of the decent women are either taken or not on the apps.
I’ve heard that guys on the apps suck too so it probably goes both ways.
That’s how it is in South America too! Woman are so much more engaging and outgoing and idk it’s definitely different outside the states.
As someone of Indian origin as well, I had much more luck when I was living in Germany and even just when visiting the UK, Ireland, the Netherlands, or France (it helps I speak the languages). In the US, most girls look right through me, but in Europe, I felt like I was actually looked at as an individual and not a representative of some group.
Or maybe they see you as someone exotic just like how Americans see a European person visiting the US and put a little more effort because they are special.
I think dating for men is easier in Europe while dating in America is easier for women.
I think you get a bit of an excitement boost just being American in Europe. I had the same thing when I was in Europe. The girls seemed friendlier and quicker to accept simple dates. One attractive girl in Budapest was actually pestering me for a date so much that I started to suspect she was going to scam me or something but no she was just really interested.
Another very attractive girl working at a museum in Amsterdam, instantly accepted my ask for drinks after a very brief exchange about a gift in the shop.
This type of stuff almost never happens in the US you are right.
I mean, who I’m willing to go on a date with or spend an afternoon with when I know they don’t live there can be quite different than who I look to date for a long term partner.
It’s easier to be present and enjoy the moment when you know you only have a moment with them.
I’ve gotten to go on a few museum dates here in the US, always been pleasant.
Personally as a woman it’s not hard to be with a European guy, part of the ease is you are not committing to each other too much. Just high odds one of you will go back to your home country.
For the US I think women are really turned off from American men and just had such bad experiences that it’s more of a guarded type of dating. Women do not chase men here and if you do you’re instantly labeled as desperate or easy. There’s also just massive differences in values between the sexes and their beliefs.
Definitely true, European women tend to be more independent. American women tend to expect to be “taken cared of.” Americans on both genders tend to be very entitled.
So there are women of any country that can suck to date. Hate to say it, but being a foreigner is going to attract a certain type of person. I’m curious where you were in America?
In Ireland I got a ton of matches. Women just liked the nostalgia of an American. Especially the “accent”.
Can confirm. Two of my exes are from there. Well, technically one wasn’t in Europe but he was close. Anyway I totally agree! Honestly I prefer it so much I’ve wanted to live there for a long time now, in general. It’s not just the dating – it’s the culture and how everything is structured. I feel like I’m in the wrong country.
I’m currently living in New York and my girlfriend is from a small town in Germany. She’s so stinking sweet in a soft girly feminine way. I’ve been with her since 2019 and I’ve never heard this girl raise her voice once. I thought I was just lucky lol
It’s the same with dating men in Europe. It’s a more social culture where coffee hangs are SO much more frequent. Don’t be blaming women here
Aside from sampling bias, much of Europe believes deep in their bones that you have human worth distinct from your socio-economic standing, which cannot be said for much of the US, and that bleeds into every aspect of life.
I live in Canada and I agree with you. If you want to date European women maybe try to find expat facebook groups etc.
I’ve had the best experiences dating European men. I think dating for American singles has been damaged by individualism and capitalism and the media pushing the idea that manipulation and game playing are as appropriate in relationships as they are in business. European men in their 50’s (my experience in age) don’t play games. If they like you they’re all in and if they don’t they move on. The ones I’ve dated don’t seem to feel the need to manipulate you into having sex with them, it just comes naturally as it should.
I know what you’re talking about. Pretty standard in the US for a woman to enter a date with a shitty attitude of ‘entertain me, you should entertain me more, why am i not entertained, i need dopamine now’
I lived in Europe all my life and moved to the US 13 years ago. I am now 36 and have to agree, dating in America and especially American women is horrid.
American girls are all holding out for super chad or something. I don’t get it.
How much time did you spend in Europe? Did you just meet women on apps or did you end up originally meeting people since you were there for a bit?
I’m a little older but in the same boat (dating is generally not fun). Putting time and effort into apps, going on 1 date every other month isn’t like…a great thing.
Half the people where I live don’t seem to know what they want, expect “effort” on a first date (a vibe check or something like drinks or a coffee date no longer seems acceptable) and I’m perfectly happy doing stuff on my own.
I have a job, a car, work remote, hobbies, active, etc, etc. The women I see complaining on social media just go back to their exes or have issues typically…
I haven’t dated anyone in Europe so maybe I’m missing out haha
I appreciate Luvveli’s no-nonsense approach. It’s a mature website that focuses on real connections rather than endless chatting, and it shows in the results.
Yep I heard a lot of complains about American dating culture. I guess it’s all about the economy and a finance oriented culture