I wouldn't even attribute it to fear, I do have social anxiety to some extent but I literally just don't want or have anything to say. I wish I could just say "ok". Maybe I'm a horrible person, I dont know, I really dont know whats going on with me.
For as long as I can remember, i always have to force conversations and it is comparable to sport. Always calculating what to say, what to ask, keep it going, stuttering and tripping over my own words. But I've gotten somewhat ok at it, and not scared at all.
my issue is exhaustion with this constant calculation of what to say/ask. without it, nothing comes to mind and I just have nothing to say at all. someone can tell me something and its not that i dont care, i literally just have nothing to say? I don't know whats wrong with me or how to fix it, or how to make calculated conversations come easier, with less pressure. because once again, if I just try letting a conversation flow, IT WILL NOT FLOW, my silence will stop it. I dont know.
Also it's so awkward when I'm in a conversation with someone but I don't even know what to ask or say and it goes silent. Oh, to be a good conversationalist….