Me (F30) bf (M31) long story short- my bf and his ex were dating for a long time before us and share all the same friends- his ex is apparently nuts and has threatened to cause a scene if she ever sees me. So basically his entire friend group who is friends with him will not allow me to come to any event, etc because they want to invite the ex. I’ve also been made aware that the ex and the women in this group stand around and “make jokes about what she’s gonna do to me” when they get together. These (the friends, I’ve never met the ex) people do not
Know me. I have met them once and was very kind and tried to get to know them.
Last week I get into my bfs car and see his ex’s name pop up in his call log……..earlier on
In the relationship I had set 2 boundaries- 1 being if she were to call him and he picked up, I would leave him and 2- I want to know when she is going to be at things. I find out that she has called him twice (that i know of) and has been at a bunch of things recently that I was not made aware of. He claims that she called him last week to “ask who was going” to HIS best friends bday dinner-this makes no sense to me because why would she call him and not one of her friends? Also why would he not be doing to his best friends bday???? His reasoning for not telling me these things is because he “didn’t want to get me upset”.
Something feels extremely fishy about this. I basically requested he set a boundary with his ex if she calls again and ask her not to do that out of respect for me and also that he no longer go to these “hangouts” if she was there. He feels like he’s being punished for trying to. “Keep everyone happy”. And I had to request this by the way he’s never asked me what he could do to make me feel more comfortable with all of this from the beginning. Personally I don’t think it’s normal to be that friendly with your ex when you’re dating someone else and I don’t really feel comfortable with him being so friendly with someone who is literally threatening to be hostile towards me??? he just keeps getting in my head and making me feel like this isn’t a big deal. What would
Be the best way to handle this situation???