A few days ago I read a post about what dating apps are like from a woman’s perspective, and it made me want to share my own experience too. But also add something I think is important…

What actually makes me want to meet a guy from Tinder, in case it helps someone here.

First of all, the second I create my account, whether I’m in Madrid or now in NYC, you already know what happens. In less than five minutes the app is already showing 99+ likes.

So obviously, when almost every guy you swipe right on instantly becomes a match, you naturally become very selective.

But that doesn’t mean I actually want to meet all those matches. Honestly it’s the complete opposite. It’s actually pretty rare that I genuinely feel like going on a date with someone.

After using Tinder for a long time, I’ve realized most men fall into one of two categories:
Either they try to meet way too fast, or they have conversations that feel completely empty.

When a guy opens the conversation by immediately asking me out, or worse, asking me to come over to his place, honestly… the impression it gives me is that he’s completely desperate to get laid. And for me that’s a huge turn off.

Personally, I like talking a bit first. And thinking about it, I realized I really only need two things: I want to feel like the guy actually knows how to hold a conversation (so the date won’t be awkward), and that he’s interested in me beyond just trying to hook up.

I honestly think a lot of women probably feel the same way.

On the other hand, talking about sex over chat isn’t something that bothers me. Honestly, I like it. I’m pretty curious when it comes to that stuff. And actually, one of the Tinder dates I remember the most started with a guy opening the conversation with a sexual suggestion.

And yes, I ended up meeting him.

Now you’re probably wondering why, and I’ll explain it, because what attracted me wasn’t that first line. It was what he did after it.

He opened with a slightly kinky sexual comment, I replied jokingly, and then he completely changed the subject.

He started talking to me normally. He asked real things about me. We talked about random stuff, trips, experiences, dumb things… and he never brought up sex again during the whole conversation.

And that’s exactly what made me want to meet him.

Because the feeling he gave me wasn’t “this guy is desperate to get laid”. It was more like:
“this guy knows how to spark my curiosity and make me want to know more about him.”

Most guys, the second they see even the smallest opening, turn the entire conversation sexual and then seem completely unable to move away from it. And honestly, that just makes you come across as desperate.

Anyway, I was partly inspired by a Spanish influencer who used to give men advice on dating apps by explaining what actually worked on her, and then she’d sell an ebook. I don’t have any ebook or anything like that, so I’m just telling you directly what worked best on me, in case you want to try it


8 comments

  2. Can you give an example or exactly what his sexual opening line was?

    I avoid sex talk unless the woman initiates it. All I hear from women is how many pervs there are on the apps.

    I went on a date with a bikini model a few years back. She said she had 1,000s of messages/likes & I asked how she even saw mine… she filtered by who didn’t have kids, etc & to her credit, she had no bikini pics or even told me she modeled. I found out over a year later when she popped up on my IG.

    Most of us men on dating apps get limited likes (except the top 1% Leo Dicaprio-looking men that it feels like all the women are talking to)
    Women have the opposite issue, too many options and having to filter through the BS. I have the same issue picking out cereals at the store, too many options makes the decision more difficult. Lol

  3. Geniunne question.

    Before the sexual comment, were you already pretty attracted to the guy?

    I’m asking because literally one of the first things I hear about is NOT to talk about sex in the first message. From both men and women.

  4. Tinder is for hookups- always has been.

    You want a LTR? Go Hinge or Bumble (but bumble has been going downhill these past few years so 🤷‍♂️)

  6. TLDR for those that don’t wanna read all that:

    1. Be attractive
    2. Don’t be boring

  7. Yeah I’ve only gotten maybe 10 matches in roughly 11 years on and off of using Tinder. It’s really hard to improve and get better with it when I don’t get any matches. Ironically I did get one hookup out of Tinder but that’s been it. It’s all on me I got to be better but I’ll just never know what it’s like to have too many options and turning down someone because they ask me too quickly for sex.

  8. There used to be an app a few years ago called Whisper.. it was an anonymous confession app, but you could post and reply, have private chats, and all you saw was male/female/other 20-25 years old, 26-30 years old, etc and how far away. You could chat locally or worldwide! I talked to a bombera in Chile, a DJ in Ireland, and one girl locally that I dated for 6 months! We need more tools like that!

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