All of my friends are in relationships or are in the dating pool, but I just can’t seem to get interested in men at all. Of course I find men attractive, and they’re are plenty of good looking men in college, but I just feel so unattracted to the lack of drive so many men have. A lot of the men around me are super unambitious, all they do is vape, drink, go out for parties all night and want to have sex. They can’t drive, are unemployed, on the verge of dropping out. It’s a complete nightmare to me. Yet all my friends have no problem dating these guys and tell me my standards are impossibly high.
I feel so uninterested in men sexually as well, they all just feel so slimy and like they’re trying to maul you. I’ve also noticed whenever I’ve given a handjob or blowjob i genuinely cannot wait for it to be over. It is the most boring couple minutes of my life, and all I’m thinking about is if I look sexy to him, and the fact my hand hurts. And I never let guys return the favour. I always reject them before it can go any further
I love knowing guys find me attractive or have crushes on me, but I never have any interest in going out with them or reciprocating. I guess I just like being admired more than admiring others. I have never really had an interest in talking to men romantically growing up but I’ve always loved being friends with men so much, I think they’re so much fun and I love flirting with them, but never want anything actually serious.
As I get older my friends are starting to question if I’m a lesbian. And I know I’m not, I know I am attracted to men, but I also feel uninspired by any of the men around me, and if there is a man I really look up to and admire, I feel like I just want him to like me back and admire my work ethic and drive, but I wouldn’t actually want to date him. It’s really strange, sometimes I wonder if I’m attracted to men or just like their validation.
Is this normal?