36F here, and I’m having a hard time taking things slow with dating because I’m a very sexual person and when I’m attracted to someone, I want to touch, kiss, be intimate, etc. I was in a relationship for over a decade that ended a year and a half ago so I don’t have a lot of dating experience.
I made the mistake of rushing intimacy with the
last man I exclusively dated. This ended up hurting me a lot when he ended things because I got emotionally attached too soon (obsessive thoughts, etc)
I tried again and went the complete opposite direction with the last man I went on a few dates with. I told him I wanted to wait for sex and we only kissed but I abstained from even stroking his arm, there was no holding hands or anything like that. These are things that I naturally want to do when I am attracted to someone. He also lost interest and of course I think it’s due to the lack of intimacy but that’s not the excuse he gave.
I just don’t understand where the delicate balance is. I’ve learned that I need to be myself when dating, and I’m breaking a lot of “dating rules” by doing this. I get deep on first dates (not just talking about surface level things). I double text if needed. I laugh loudly, have ADHD so I get distracted and may fix a lamp in the middle of our conversation. I’m okay with the fact that I would lose a lot of potential suitors by showing my personality from the get go. Those men who are bothered by that aren’t meant for me.
But I don’t know how to keep a healthy balance of still getting the touch I crave in dating while protecting myself from getting hurt and/or feeling used. I don’t even know if my question makes sense 🫠😅