Hi all, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and I’m absolutely in love with him. But I have a seed of doubt in our relationship’s longevity due to the extent of our intellectual differences.
He has gone to two of the best universities in the world (masters and now getting his PhD) while I only have my bachelors. I realize prestige is not everything, but his mind operates at a capacity well above my own.
At the moment, I don’t think he minds. He talks a lot about the things he is interested in, and I love to listen to him. He thinks I’m beautiful, he thinks I’m very funny, but I am worried I will eventually disappoint him by falling behind his intellectual pace.
I think he may be conflating my cleverness and wit with intelligence. I’m not an expert in a specialized field; I’m just another corporate worker. I want to go back to grad school – so there is room for improvement. To be clear, I understand degrees do not always correlate with intelligence, but in this instance he is exemplary in both categories.
This post is partially my own insecurity speaking, although it’s not entirely unfounded. My boyfriend and I were friends before we started dating, and he’s consistently mentioned intelligence to be his #1 criterion for a partner.
Would you date someone less intelligent than you long term, or would the intellectual gap eventually become a dealbreaker?
TLDR: 25F is dating a 27M PhD student from elite universities and worries that her “ordinary” intellectual background won’t keep pace with his, especially since he’s said intelligence is his top criterion in a partner.