(TL;DR) My boyfriend (31m) has broken my trust twice now. I am not sure how to move forward, I am looking for perspective and resolve.
I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 7 months, and it has been the most rewarding and special relationship.
We both lived in the same city 2 years ago and shared a very brief time together, before he had to move. We felt it best not to pursue any relationship. Fast forward to August of 2025, we reconnect and decide to start a long distance relationship. However, there are lingering trust/communication issues that I thought were resolved, until I made a discovery on his laptop.
Early on, I communicated my boundaries and we shared our intention of having a monogamous relationship. In 2 months he had already broken my trust by hiding that he was visiting reddit communities of women to please himself to. Mind you my issue was that these were random girls, not explicit communities on the internet which freaked me out. He was extremely regretful and apologetic, it destroyed him. I made it very clear that this was not ok by any means but I forgave his mistake and told him I trust him. Fast forward about 2 weeks ago I visit him, and I bring up my feelings about how he still follows an ex who also happened to be an Of creator still on instagram. I asked why he still felt the need to follow and maintain closeness with this person- I was not accusing him of anything nor stating he had done something bad. All of the sudden he got extremely angry and defensive and jumped straight to refusing to unfollow her, saying she was also a friend that meant a lot to him, which is fair. He started to cry about the fact “I still couldn’t trust him” and how hard he had worked to forgive himself for his past mistake.
He lent me his laptop where there was a hidden folder on his photo app documents. I regretfully clicked on it and found a ton of spicy pics from his Of ex, the one I was concerned about. They were from only 2 months before we dated but were over the course of a year+. Also in that folder were my very recent spicy pics, and that of various other partners throughout the years. I feel hurt and I haven’t brought it up with him, as I know I am wrong in having breached his privacy. I don’t know at all how to approach this situation. I want more than anything to trust him and to resolve conflict. It is not good for my own mental health to think about this. I love him, and I need a reality check, PLEASE HELP!