EDIT: I didn't not ask for opinions about the age gap. We do not share finances. I love his child. Those are not the areas we have communication problems in.
I feel like I’m losing myself in my relationship and I don’t know if I’m asking for too much or just finally seeing things clearly.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We both had abusive past relationships. He’s going through a divorce and has a young son, so our relationship has always had some limitations. I’ve tried really hard to be understanding of that. I’ve been patient, I’ve given him space, I’ve worked around his schedule, and I’ve honestly built a lot of my life around him.
I spend almost every night at his house when he doesn’t have his son, and even when he does, I’ve been coming over late just to see him. I’ve stopped doing a lot of things that used to make me feel like myself — yoga, hobbies, just being alone. My life has slowly started to revolve around him, and I didn’t really notice it happening.
The hardest part is that he does treat me well in a lot of ways. He’s affectionate, we have a great connection, he helps me, he cooks for me, he shows up physically. He’s honestly better than anyone I’ve ever been with in those ways.
But emotionally… I don’t feel secure.
Last night we had a really hard conversation. I told him I was scared he didn’t love me the same way I love him. And he said he “didn’t know how to answer that.”
That honestly broke something in me.
I cried the whole time we talked. He was mostly quiet. At one point he just said “I’m still here,” which felt more like “I’m not leaving” than “I love you and choose you.”
He also said he doesn’t know if he can change certain things about himself, like how busy he is or how he prioritizes relationships. And a timeline that used to feel close (like a few months) suddenly got pushed out to a year.
Now I feel stuck.
I love him so deeply. I don’t want to lose him. And he really is better than what I’ve had before.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m constantly questioning if I’m truly loved the way I need to be. I miss him when we’re apart, and he doesn’t even say he misses me anymore. I feel like I’m giving more emotionally, even if he doesn’t see it that way.
I’m thinking about pulling back and focusing on myself again, because I don’t feel like myself anymore. But I’m terrified that if I do that, I’ll lose him.
TLDR With everything going on and it seems the sorry comings of communications I (27f) don’t know if I’m being patient and understanding because of his (39m) situation… or if I’m slowly accepting something that’s not enough for me.