This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Had a dream second date last night – we had dinner and then went to play pub trivia and had sooooo much fun. There’s immediate spark and chemistry there like I haven’t felt since my divorce, and we were able to get deeper on things and find out we align on pretty much everything (marriage, kids, etc) She stopped me at one point, looked at me and beamed, and said “I just love kissing you..” š«
We’re both reading Project Hail Mary so we can see it together next weekend. I know it’s early but this feels SO good and I’m choosing to just soak in the feeling.
It’s a weird feeling when almost all exes, and even FWB are in serious relationships or married, when I was the previous guy
Feels like I’m doing something wrong and not sure what to do rather than just keep swiping and tweaking Hinge profile
I have very clearly listed on my hinge profile that I have kids and donāt plan to have any more of my own. For this reason I donāt send likes to anyone who has want children listed. However, I still regularly receive likes from women who do have want children on their profile. Whatās going on here? I suppose they could have just not read my whole profile but I say it in two locations. Iām always very hesitant to match with these women but should I be giving them a chance and if I do how should I play it? Should I bring it up right away? Seems pretty forward to start asking about family plans immediately.
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We had our first fight, and as I predicted it was about something incredibly stupid and mundane but we were both just emotionally fried from unrelated things. We made up and addressed how we could both do better next time. She then turned to me and excitedly shouted, “Babe! This was our first fight! We did it!” It’s pretty spectacular being in a relationship with someone who has heightened emotional intelligence and conflict management skills.
Operation move to a small town is in full swing today. I ve been pretty miserable in the city in general and dating has been abysmal as a result. I’m ready to take my chances on a smaller dating pool as a happier person.Ā
Two interviews back to back today. One of my references (my *current* boss!) flaked on the last application that I thought I had in the bag. I’m trying to get ahold of The Bureaucracy (TM) to get them and alternate reference but I think that may be a lost cause. So, uh no pressure on today or anything.
Ā Temporary pain for a big gain, I hope. š¤
Feel like I need to get out and be even more pro-active in meeting people outside of dance, the gym and some other activities. But also don’t want to completely burn myself out by scheduling something every day of the week (especially as an introvert who needs time to recharge/chill).
The apps don’t really work for me, so IRL events/activities seem the only way to go. My last few OLD matches stopped responding after a handful of messages.
Any suggestions on how to rescue a friend who is dickmatized? Hook-up turned FWB turned situationship deal. :/
I seem to be getting a lot more attention from young āgym guyā-types even though Iām chubby myself and definitely not a gym type. Is this a new tendency? Is it real or just some fetishism?
One of my favorite things to do in a relationship is going to a thrift store and sending my partner pictures from the fitting room of what I’m trying on.
I dont know if I shall get back into the apps or not. I’m going out and meeting people in my hobbies throughout the week. Made a handful of friends so I am getting out more and organically meeting new people. I got off of them because they were really killing my mental state, wasn’t getting much out of it. I have posted my profile a couple times to get feedback and the last times a few people left some really nasty comments. So many people are on them but I just don’t know if I want to do that to myself again
I tried feeld but didnāt want to show my face. Anyway had a nice convo going with someone and he suggested drinks but asked for a pic or ig first (of course I would have asked sooner). I sent him a pic and my handle he saw it but didnāt responded or follow me. I disconnected the next day. Maybe it was too soon but I feel like if you can view the pic you can respond. My ego is hurting because I donāt think he was out of my league (which I hate even saying) or anything. I know you leave yourself open to this by not having a face photo. Just tired of putting myself out there and the rejection. I donāt think Iām completely unattractive, I get a certain celebrity look alike comment often who is perceived as attractive. I also like to think we are all beautiful in our own ways. Plus canāt we just go off of having a nice convo, Iād like to think I would have if it was reversed
Im not banned on Badoo anymore.
Followed up with someone who didn’t respond to my last message a few days ago, seeing if she wanted to meet. To my surprise she responded! Setting up a date for tomorrow. Date with someone else scheduled for Sunday. Another match willing to meet up I need to plan for next week. And three other conversations going. I’m so overwhelmed and this is unsustainable, but it’s helped get over the recent heartbreak a little. Didn’t expect so many people to actually match, but think I will go back to one or two people at a time after all this.
It’s kind of given me new perspective on why so many likes and matches go unreturned or fizzle out.
I’m reducing my anxiety meds which is contributing to me thinking about the one that got away three years ago. Could never figure out if it was truly due to timing/ circumstances or if it never would have worked out under other conditions anyway. Wish my brain didn’t do this to me.
Iāve continued to get many DMs on here from horny gay dudes, after selfies. Maybe itās the moustache Iām growing. Perhaps itās giving off that vibe.
Either way, while not my demographic, the compliments are very much accepted
I’d posted before about asking someone out for coffee, them going silent for a week, then replying to say they’d see if they have the time this week after I followed up with a farewell. They’re a (now former) coworker who is moving away for career advancement and I know if they haven’t replied by now, it simply isn’t happening.
I feel disappointment. I knew this was coming and it hurts now that it’s here. I had not expected them to reply at all, but I almost wish they had outright declined so I could have an easier time moving on. I want to stop lingering. I haven’t felt this way about someone else for a long time and I’m afraid I won’t again.
Had a good date yesterday! He seemed into me but he hasnāt replied to my text š How long should I wait?
Went to my colleagues leaving do last night. I cant help but think that she might be interested in me but i cant tell at the same time. She was smashed and asked me if I thought she was an alien because she has a weird sense of humour. I told her no and that Im also a weirdo.
Anyway, my interest in her has sort of reignited. Im not sure when to ask her to this DJ set next weekend. I should have done it tonight but I was too self concious because I was with other colleagues also.
Should I ask her now or wait till next Monday
Still sad about the last guy I dated ending things. I was really smitten with him, even though it only lasted a month. I don’t connect with people easily. Everything in his life was up in the air, his job, his living situation, his sobriety and mental health, and he realized he couldn’t sustain the long-term relationship he thought he wanted. I’ve been sad about it ever since because we connected so strongly intellectually and physically, though I know all the things I mentioned would’ve become an issue.
Been going on dates to get myself back out there and try to move on, but I feel like a bad person dating hopeful new guys when I’m still crying over someone else. Probably going to gently let down the current guy I’ve been planning a second date with.
I (34F) matched with a guy (35M) a week and a half ago, who asked me to grab drinks. Last Friday, I told him I could do this Friday (tonight). Our schedules didn’t align any other day, and we agreed on Friday.
Today he messaged me in morning, asking if I was still free? I said yes, and asked him where he’d like to go. He proceeded to say he double booked himself, and can’t meet until 9 pm or so.
FFS.
I asked him why he would do that when he asked to grab a drink, and he knew we agreed on Friday?
Lately, felt better to start a meaningful relationship whether long distance or close by. He must be 35- 45 y.o. I’m 34f , 180cm tall and African. I dunno if my man is on this app. Doesn’t hurt to try š
I had a really rough 2025, which lead to a decline in both my mental and physical health
But since mid-feb Iāve been back in the gym, Iām running again, and Iām being conscious of what I eat. Iām halfway to my weight goal and back doing the same lifts I was doing before I quit going to the gym. Running the same distances and speeds too!
Also havenāt had a cigarette for two months!
Last week I was with my FWB and he told me he could tell Iāve been going to the gym and he could see it in my shoulders. Big ego boost, especially considering my shoulders are a big source of dysphoria for me, unbeknownst to him.
Wanted to just take a moment to feel proud of myself for getting back on the horse.
Friendās birthday drinks tomorrow and seeing my FWB on Sunday so feeling pretty good.
I’m positive this has been discussed so much already, but can we talk anxious attachment? How have you healed this, or how are you working on doing so?
For the first time in…ever, my phone is off. I’ve decided I don’t want to deal with anything tonight, that I want a night for myself. I’ve set an alarm on my watch and don’t intend to turn my phone back on until tomorrow.
34m about to turn 35.
I just wanted to pop in and vent and get mad at myself for not taking my career/school/finances more seriously in my 20s. Always was good at dating when I was younger because I liked to go out, get drunk, and have fun. Was never a good boyfriend because I liked to go out, get drunk, and have fun. Never cheated on anybody or anything, was just never a very serious person. I bounced around in low paying jobs thinking charm and humor would always be enough for romance.
Turns out while I was doing that other people were getting promotions, building savings, investing, and learning marketable skills. People got married, had kids, and are now building lives while I pick up the pieces of my YOLO’d life. The few single women that I meet that I would like to date are not interested in a man in his mid-30s making $23/hr, a credit score below 650, and 3 roommates. I shouldn’t even say not interested, they simply don’t even entertain the possibility. And I don’t blame them.
Got 450 days sober though and am back on my ADHD medicine. Over the past year I’ve learned the guitar and that has given me confidence to start learning python and save up to go back to school. Hopefully it’s not too late for me, but right now I spend my days regretful about my past choices and thinking of the women that I used to date, who are now happily married.
It’s hard not to hate myself.
Welp, just went through and removed/blocked a woman on IG and FB that broke up with me suddenly in February. It hurt to do, but I had an epiphany on just how much she hurt me beyond a sudden breakup w/no explanation and I need her fully out of my life. I haven’t blocked her # because I doubt she’ll reach out, but may have to do that too for my own sanity.
Im having a bad day. My period is causing me so much pain, my dead partners birthday is this weekend and im sad about that. And I want to take it out on people around me so Iām staying home.
I wish I had a person I could be around when Iām having a bad day. Or even a friend that would show up with ice cream (or FaceTime me. Or something. Idk what would cheer me up).
I tried going to the gym and my performance was so bad it made me feel worse. š¤£
Starting again tomorrow
Just got an email that the $7,500 matchmaking service Iāve been using for the last 8 months (of a 9 month contract) is shutting down effective immediately. Iām relieved I donāt have to deal with them anymore, but also annoyed it didnāt happen 3ā4 months ago when I already knew I was over it.
Now, I will say, my matchmaker was kind, responsive, and clearly put effort into making connections. That said, more often than not I felt like my preferences werenāt really reflected in the matches I was shown, especially when it came to physical attraction, location, and overall lifestyle fit. These were all things I had been very clear about upfront (including sending image examples of people who were my type like she asked for).
Honestly, I think part of the issue is that she really tried to see the best in people. Which is a great quality in general, but in this context it didnāt really work for me. There were multiple times where I was encouraged to consider matches that didnāt align with what I had clearly said was important, or where my experiences were met with things like āheās a good guy!ā
I also felt like the pool of candidates was pretty limited. From what I could tell, a lot of it was coming from religious-based apps (JDate, Christian Mingle, etc). And while Iām personally open-minded about religion, not everyone on those apps is, so it naturally narrows the dating pool. Because of that, it felt like the pool she was working with was smaller and more specific, which probably contributed to a lot of matches that made sense on paper but didnāt translate into strong real-world fit.
On top of that, midway through my membership I actually reached out to request a change in matchmaker and never got a response. After that, the experience didnāt really improve.
That said, I did meet one person through the service in the last few weeks who Iām still getting to know, so there is at least one positive. But overall, it definitely wasnāt worth the price point I paid.
I guess this whole situation makes a bit more sense nowā¦
Really about ready to swear off the apps. I just don’t think they are constructed to create good relationships. At least not for me. I need friendship…slow burn. But I’m also a horny animal. I’ve been trying over and over to wait to have sex, but after 3 dates I do want to know if we’re compatible. We have sex and then they don’t want a relationship, or start pulling away, or I’m not interested. Rinse and repeat.
Oh a random occurrence that I just remembered – like 2 weeks ago I went on a date with someone I met on a dating app (we have not continued seeing each other) and as I was walking up to the bar we were meeting at, some random guy stopped me to compliment me and ask for my instagram. I gave it to him because 1 – it’s private so he couldn’t see anything until I accepted his follow, 2 – I literally NEVER get approached by men IRL and I think it’s so funny that it happened right before a date with someone else.
However, I don’t keep instagram downloaded on my phone anymore because I’ve been trying to reduce my screentime, and I’m a dummy and I kept forgetting to redownload it so I could approve his follow and message him. Anyways I *finally* remembered to do that, hopefully I didn’t miss the window of opportunity by taking so long but I figure if this guy was willing to (politely) stop me on the street to talk to me and flirt with me he is probably still interested. I’ll report back if he replies!
edited to add – he did reply š
The rest of my life is going (mostly) fine. But I think I’ve finally lost hope about finding someone. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, or with the opposite sex. Modern life is hard on everyone right now.
I’ve just been on my own so long now, I can’t see how it will ever change. I’ll still try to keep myself open to things, but I honestly don’t expect anything anymore. It’s hard to let go of a dream that feels so hardwired into me, but I don’t know what else to do now.
After my terrible experience losing someone yesterday because I was a coward Wednesday night, I immediately signed up for a nearby speed dating event.
Most of the women were a fair bit older than me and not particularly my type, there was only one person out of 12 that I really liked. (Weirdly one of them I didn’t get a date with at all, not sure what happened there)
We matched after the event, but she put the match as “friend” rather than a straight yes. But that’s fine, she seems super shy and lovely, so I think she just wants to take everything super slow.
Sent her a nice message now, asking to continue getting to know each other after our 4 minute initial conversation and trying to keep it as low-key and casual as possible.
Hopefully she responds positively!