Hey. I've found myself crying this evening after a few drinks with friends and I'd really appreciate some advice.
30F with a background of two abusive ex partners. Bad trauma. Anyway.
I've been with my boyfriend 9 months. He's kind, he puts in effort, he reassures me when I feel insecure or anxious. He makes me feel emotionally safe and protected. I really believe he's a good person. And I find it extremely hard to trust people, but he's been so kind to me regarding my history.
At 9 months in, there's just some real things making me unhappy. Two things, he's very naturally dense/inconsiderate regarding things, and thus has really upset me before. and he's also not a good communicator/texter to the point where I now feel like it's almost work for him to text me. I know he loves and cares for me, but I am the kind of person who needs to be able to share my day with someone, be able to tell my partner something I'm excited about etc. Today he didn't respond to me for 8.5 hours. When he did respond he didnt address it, but he said he fell asleep after work for a little as he had been out with some of our friends till later the night before. But I just started crying in the toilets of the bar I was in.
It might sound silly. But it's been long enough that I just feel like he doesn't naturally reach for me. I'm his first serious gf (he's 29) and we've been on holidays, I've met his family etc, but even in the beginning I had to to tell him that I find it weird not to talk everyday. He made the effort to text me everyday but said he had never done that with anyone before.
I feel guilty almost for feeling this way because I can see the effort he puts in to try and make this work and make me happy. He is insecure at his ability to be good at relationships, and from my pov it seems he used to have avoidant tendencies and maybe tinges of it. But even when he tries, I feel like it's a chore to him. And he does it to make me happy. I don't feel like he naturally would text or reach for me to tell me about his day. And I feel like I can't almost either with him, or at least say much even if im excited about something, or even if im sad, because I don't know when I'd get a response. He doesnt like texting, his family have even said it takes days to a week to hear back from him.
It just makes me so sad because despite the fact he's clearly trying, the fact I dont feel like it's something he wants to do makes me feel so disconnected and unwanted, especially when I want to talk to him or am excited or I want support.
However I think he's the best guy I've ever dated and I just dont want to give up on a relationship like that.
I don't know what to do.
Anyone with insight or wisdom, please, it would mean the world to me.
I feel like I'm already feeling another heartbreak coming on but I'm so exhausted from them and I don't want to give up. But I just dont know how when a relationship is just not workable vs it is.