Me, 40F, husband 41M, have been together for almost 20 years. We have three teenagers, a good life, a nice home. I do love my husband, but I have no desire for him what so ever. I don’t want to kiss him, I don’t want him to hug or touch me, and I really hate being intimate, but do it to keep him happy. I have always generally had a healthy sex drive and that hasn’t changed, I just don’t feel attracted to him anymore. He’s started to notice me pulling away and subconsciously flinching when he touches me or pulling a face. I hate that I feel this way. I don’t want to hurt him. Is this the end for us? I don’t want to hurt him or my family. Should I just suck it up and pretend better for the sake of the kids?
TLDR: should I stay married to a man I have no desire for for the sake of the kids?
Edit: to give more detail, he cheated on me 10 years ago. I stayed for the kids and because I did to want to be a victim. Staying somehow made me feel less rejected. It broke me though. It’s taken a very long time to get my confidence back. I do forgive him. Life is complicated. But it certainly changed something in me. I spent many years being scared he would leave and doing things to please him. I’ve finally got to a place where I’m not afraid anymore. He’s a good man and a good father. A good provider and we have a good lifestyle. Our kids are happy. I can live this life, I just wish I didn’t hate him touching me so much.