I’m 24F and my boyfriend is 24M. I’ve been realizing something really uncomfortable about myself, and I don’t know what to do with it.
No matter how much time we spend together, the second we’re not together, my brain starts telling me he must be cheating on me. It gets especially bad on Friday or Saturday nights. If he doesn’t hang out with me, my mind immediately jumps to, “He’s probably out at a club cheating,” even though he has always said he hates clubbing and has never really given me a reason to believe that’s what he’s doing.
The problem is that I think spending time with him has become my way of “monitoring” him. When we’re together, I feel calmer because I know where he is and what he’s doing. But when we’re apart, I spiral. Then I start acting passive-aggressive, cold, or rude out of nowhere, even if he hasn’t done anything wrong.
I know this isn’t healthy, and I don’t want to punish him for my anxiety. But in the moment, the fear feels so real that it’s hard to stop myself from reacting.
I genuinely don’t want to keep behaving like this, but I don’t know how to get out of this pattern. It annoys me that I am like this. Is there any perspective shift that can help me?