Me and my ex had pretty perfect relationship(friends and family said so not just post break up emotions)😂 . We were together 3 years went on 9 or so holidays in those 3 years. Her first relationship ever. Very integrated with each others families and rarely had any arguments. I myself am a very upfront say it how it is type of guy and she is more of a sensitive, never say anything bad about anyone soul. We had an issue prior to this one right at the start of our relationship where I was trying to take my very awkward friend on a double date with another girl, she found out but chose to stay.
So approximately 3 months ago we went for food and had a really good evening, we get home and we are in bed and I go downstairs to make her a drink. My work phone is left upstairs(she knows my passcode and everything and frankly I didn’t think I had anything to hide). Upon going upstairs I can sense an energy shift but she doesn’t say what is wrong and I put it down to her having a bad belly(she regularly has after a curry😂). I wake up a few times in the evening and she is sat awake looking like she is crying. Still doesn’t say what’s wrong but I just go back to sleep. The following morning I wake up and make her a coffee and she just leaves. About an hour later she sends me the texts message exchanges between me and these women. To give some context, definitely not an excuse because regardless it is wrong, I had lost £140,000 in a few bad investments which is almost all of my money. I think to some extent i wanted to ‘see if I’m still valuable’.
Anyway, she says she can’t be with me and I tell her I love her and I’m sorry etc. A week or so later after she begins to ignore my messages I decide the best course of action so I don’t pressure her or keep blowing her phone up is to remove her from socials media to respect her decision. The same night she messages me saying she seen my other message but was just avoiding her phone and thanking me for removing her because she ‘didn’t have the strength’. I plead for her back etc but to no avail. I give her a week or so of no contact but reach out again saying it feels wrong to not see each other to end it. She agrees but says she is protecting herself but agrees to a call.
She calls the next evening and essentially I have to push her to say, the relationship is over because she can’t bring herself to say it. She said she can’t be with me but loves the bones off me. And that she could ‘maybe’ meet for a month for a coffee. So fast forward a month… I messaged her a few days ago and said it would be nice to meet up and have a chat and a coffee. She agrees. During this month I’ve started a new business been in the gym etc but always had faith that we are meant to be together. So we meet up yesterday and things are going super well, flirting asking about each others life etc. then after about an hour and the walk is about to end she decides to sit down on a bench and begin to ask really difficult emotional questions. She gets super upset and leans into hug me and I kiss her on the forehead etc. she says she of course still loves me but I’ve crossed a boundary and she has to stick too it. So she is really sobbing and I leave. I call her later on in the day because I wanted to check she is okay, and still had a few things to get off my chest. She is warm but still says she can’t be with me.
I know the right option is to move on and what’s meant to be will come back… but I really love this woman. Everyone makes mistakes and I know it must’ve been heartbreaking for her to see what she seen. I will change go to therapy, whatever is necessary. How do I reconcile? Is it just time? Or is it a total lost cause?