Well I will give this a shot and hopefully gain traction on what to do next and how to fix it. I will start with what happened… I cheated by bringing someone into our home with my son sleeping down the hallway.
Let's start from the jump, when I first met her. No job, no car, no apartment/house, no friends, no family. It was just me fresh out of college trying to figure things out. I was on a dating app at the time to just get to know other people after taking time and therapy off from dating out of a very serious relationship in college. One day, I met her. A young woman who loved me for me and wanted someone to grow with. The issue being- I'd not grown myself. It was like giving someone a box of Legos without instructions and building without knowing where each piece goes.
We met. First time sleeping in bed with one another, no sex whatsoever. I didn't desire because she is a Woman of God and I held her to a very high standard of love and respect because reading the Bible and getting closer to God is extremely important. We used to have alot of discussions about faith and religion, which is why she fell deeper in love with me because of my brain and how much critical thinking is in there.
We eventually did have sex before marriage and I quickly became her boyfriend because I didn't want any open voids of doubt anywhere near us. We got together then a month after we received news that she was pregnant. It was just a total shock for me especially because of where I was at in my life but it was time to step up big time. Unfortunately, we lost the baby less than a month in.
After news of us losing a baby, she becomes pregnant again for a second time but we waited to tell people the news of it till the end of the first trimester. During these months, we went through hell due to my job and me being blamed for something that I didn't commit yet it effected us for a year.
During the year- it was absolutely hell. Going from job to job to make money. I'm depending on her mostly. I still didn't have a car yet she was dropping me off, picking me up, walking, or catching the bus to and from work. I was making shitty money and had to fight for hours. Things would get better then they would get worse. During these times, I would make a promise yet life would hit us or an unexpected bill would have us in a pickle. It effected me negatively because I felt like a failure. I had got a high paying job 80k offer yet I couldn't take it due to us needing to live in the state for the hybrid position and getting a high paying job offer at a hospital to clean yet I had to turn them down due to us having a baby and schedule abnormalities. During this time, my mom messed my credit up so it stopped me from taking credit cards out and loans- which I had to rely on her financially and it put a toll on her.
Then we had our son. Things started to get more real. I was working and applying for higher paying jobs cause babies are expensive.
After a year later, last summer things started to pick up alot more. I got a decent job teaching making pretty good money. We ended up getting married in September. Things were looking good then got right back down. My car broke down due to speeding to make it to work on time causing us to share a car. Then after a month, got a new used car but had to put down over 2k as a down payment. Which hit me hard due to us having to pay for a birthday party for our son a month later and it was costly.
Further more into it, we weren’t having sex at all after marriage due to her low libido, my poor hygiene, and poor scheduling with work. She cheated by watching porn, then I cheated by creating a dating profile, more things got said on her end because I held her to a high standard so i was waiting on her to tell me if she cheated or not. Eventually, the devil got the best of me one random weekend and this woman approached me at a bookstore and we had a good conversation. Me and my wife almost have nothing in common yet we got together due to being loving a goofy.
We started therapy together yet she didn't care no longer about me just it was just her being tired and guarded up with feeling emotionally neglected from me.
It's more to the story but how do I fix this? How can I win her back? Her family loves me. She knows that I want to try again. Currently, we are separated and I am living in my car. Above is her pros and cons list of me. It's just insane to get together, have a baby, get married, and everything hit the shit after 3-6 months. I do go to therapy as well. I'm working on getting stable so I can be a better man and father. I want her to see change, not just hear apologies.
She still randomly text me and ask me am I okay. What do I do? If you need more details. I'll add it with further questions and information. How long should I wait into this year till I try again before the year of separation? What should I do for the next 5-6 months about wanting to get back with her? How can I let her know that this wasn't a mistake?