Here is the situation;
Me (25M) and my girlfriend (23F) have been dating for nearly four years. Around six months ago we got a house and we’ve started living together in that time. This is our first relationship for both of us. I was feeling amazing about our relationship until recently. We’ve had a couple of little arguments here and there but nothing major and we’ve always gotten around them without much trouble.
She has always been a bit of a worrier, but I thought it’s fine as everyone has something different about them and I’ve been coming to know her over the past 4 years. About a year and a half ago she went through a stage of worrying that she was dying. She was absolutely fine, but every little bump and lump she was concerned that it was cancerous or had some disease. I obviously supported her, she then went and had therapy and after that she seemed better, and she has since stopped doing this for the most part (besides a few inconsequential times).
Recently however, she has become really infatuated with germs and it’s making me worry. She can’t stand to touch her own car for instance, and a lot of the time she asks me to get something out of the back seat or whatever just so she doesn’t have to touch it. I don’t mind doing it, but it’s why she’s asking me to do it that concerns me. Other things too like she’d tell me off for just perching on the end of the bed whilst I have my clothes on which I’ve been outside in that day, or making me have a bath/shower on a night before I get into bed, despite me always being a clean person but just being a morning showerer. If I didn’t have a wash she would refuse to go near me in bed and she gets mad at me.
There are more examples than this, but it concerns me for the future. I want to be married and have kids, and so does she, but I don’t want to be married to someone who constantly makes me feel like I’m always doing wrong. There are times where I’ve been thinking about being in relationships with other people, and whether I need to stick around for this.
I want to help her, and I’ve told her this. But she doesn’t seem interested in going to the doctors like she did for her last episode. Also she said that “I knew she was like this” before moving in with her which is true to a certain point, but I never knew she was this bad with it.
Her family does have a bit of a history of this too, and she has relatives on both sides who have been very anti-germs.
I love her very much, but if she’s not interested in going to the doctors or seeking any help like therapy (which I also suggested and was shot down) I don’t know if I can imagine a future together. The thought of that breaks my heart, but I don’t know if I can live my life with someone like this.
I’ve mentioned it to my family and most of them don’t want me to feel the way I do about it and believe that I don’t have much of a future with her.
Has anyone got any ideas of what I can do/suggest? I want to stay with her but I’m out of ideas.
tl:dr: I love my girlfriend very much but she’s started really being infatuated with germs. I want our relationship to continue but she doesn’t seem to want to go to the doctors over it and I’m not sure my relationship can continue long term with her like this.