My friend (21F) is currently on a break with her boyfriend (22M), (been dating for 10 months), but what I'm hearing from her is that they are likely getting back together. Obviously I don't know every single detail, but here are the main points I've uncovered:

  1. He's overly sensitive
  2. He's unemployed and BROKE!!
  3. He won't take his girlfriend's advice for his problem, but does for his friends
  4. He keeps pushing the "I want to get married with you" agenda

Now, the examples:

  1. The boyfriend is still in uni and has to complete many essays, but when he has an essay topic he's really passionate and eager about and asks for the girlfriend to help mark it or critique it, he gets really upset at her criticism. They went on a vacation together and he would feel upset or he's not in the best mood, so he'll take out all the small frustrations out on her. This has been happening basically since the beginning. The girlfriend has been walking on eggshells around him and being super careful with how she approaches him. It has gotten to the point where she only PRIORITISES his feelings and not hers, so she doesn't express her frustrations. She feels like she can't. It been happening for a while now, so she's just gotten used to it.
  2. They both went on an asia trip together, and they went to many different places. The girlfriend paid for their travel expenses (including flight and hotel) which the boyfriend would pay back. BUT! he would pay it back extremely slowly, to the point where the girlfriend has to ask on multiple occasions for HER money back. HE GOT UPSET FOR HER ASKING! The boyfriend said that he's unemployed, has rent to pay and stressed as an excuse for not paying her back. The girlfriend has been paying for most of their meals because the boyfriend doesn't want to return to his old job and earn an income that way, due to self-esteem issues.
  3. After the vacation trip, the boyfriend came back and is now unemployed. He didn't proactively do anything to change his financial situations and talks about moving out with the girlfriend. The girlfriend would provide advice on what he should do about his unemployment, but he doesn't really do anything, except whine about his stresses. Again, the girlfriend has to coddle his emotions and really emphasise her empathy towards him to make him feel better. BUT! When the boyfriend's friends give him advice, he listens, he does something about his unemployment
  4. The boyfriend keeps mentioning marriage, children and foreseeing them moving out in the next year, but she's expressed the pressure those conversations have around her, but he still brings it up. I could understand bringing these topics up, but their relationship has only been going for 10 months and he should be more understanding about that deep wound she holds.

TL;DR:
My friend [22F] is on a break with her boyfriend [23M] of 10 months who reacts poorly to her feedback, ignores her advice but listens to friends, and pushes future plans she’s uncomfortable with. How can she communicate boundaries more effectively without triggering defensiveness?


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