Question in title. I get 0 pleasure and lots of distress from sex. Masturbating is neutral to pleasurable but with an undercurrent of sadness knowing that I don't actually enjoy the things I fantasize about (edited for clarity: my fantasies are just of pretty standard foreplay/vanilla sex)
I'm wondering if anyone has ever felt the way I do but was able to change. I'll discuss this more in the spoiler tagged section but I feel guilty that I'm not able to derive pleasure from giving my partner pleasure since I know that's a big part of why people like sex.
cw: discussion of rape/coercion
This question was in a sense triggered by me seeing a tweet where someone claims "you unironically have to be raped once in a while in most relationships" and there's discussion of how doing something you don't want to do for your partner's pleasure is a normal part of relationships, how people are too egotistical to make sacrifices like that anymore, how the highest forms of pleasure actually are vicariously felt through selflessly giving other people pleasure.
In my last relationship, I really tried to live up to that but it destroyed me. It created a really severe sexual aversion that only ever got worse. I can't say I've ever truly had sex I enjoyed and felt good about – the only part of it that felt good was receiving positive attention from my partner for once during long periods of fighting. I get that the post says "sometimes" and not "always" and maybe therein lies the difference, but I know my ex resented me for not being happy to make that sacrifice for him since he was willing to perform oral sex etc on me and said he would derive pleasure from giving me pleasure. It was me who refused since receiving that kind of thing only gave me distress so I didn't see the point. I guess I'm just scared that the attitude presented in the tweet is "normal" because I just reject it entirely and I wonder if that means I'll never be able to have a sexually satisfying relationship.