I genuinely hope that you guys can convince me that I’m overreacting, but I feel like my life has collapsed.
I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years and we have a teen daughter. So like any couple that’s been through all that, we’ve obviously experienced the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows over the years.
We both have busy schedules and we haven’t been extremely consistent in the bedroom, but we make sure to find time for ourselves alone at least once or twice a month. On a recent Saturday our daughter was at a sleepover so I was hoping to have some intimate time with my husband. I spent probably 20 minutes cleaning up the kitchen and then I went to our bedroom. When I walked in I quickly realized that he was touching himself sexually to something on his phone. He pulled up his pants and tried to act like everything was normal when I came in, but I’m not stupid.
I’m not opposed to masterbation, though it does make me feel a bit inadequate. This is not the first time I have caught him doing it. So I asked him to tell me what was on his phone. He said no and he walked out of the room, but I followed him and eventually got him to show me. He was looking at a photo of my best friend (!!!!!) in lingerie.
At that moment, I wanted to combust. I was convinced that they were sleeping together and that my life would fall apart. I yelled and screamed and I don’t know exactly what I said. I cried a lot, and so did he. After a while, my husband convinced me to hear him out, and he profusely apologized and he said that it would never happen again and that it was the stupidist thing he ever did. I told him that it felt like he was cheating. He promised that he never would, but he acknowledged that he had breached a line that he should never have.
My husband tried to explain the situation like it was an innocent interaction. He said that he had been texting my friend (which I knew he did once in awhile. I text her husband too sometimes, though mostly in a group chat) about possibly getting me lingerie as a gift sometime. He says that since we have similarly curvy body types, he asked her for some advice and she went to the store, tried some on and sent him photos of her recommendations.
In my mind, that’s an insane explanation. Never in a million years would I send photos of myself in underwear to my best friend’s husband if he asked for recommendations. My husband showed me all of his texts, and that was basically what they were saying, but it just doesn’t make any sense to me. There were three photos in total, but I only had to look at one to feel confident that she knew what she was doing. She was wearing a tiny sheer set that seemed to emphasize the fact that she does not have a single speck of hair down there.
My husband promised to block her number and never do something so stupid ever agaIn. I don’t know that I believe him, but I also don’t know what else to do.
I still am so angry at both of them. I still have not said a single word to my friend about this, and I don’t know that I will have the heart to for awhile. She clearly knows something is up because I haven’t responded to her texts or seen her since this happened. I would welcome any advice any of you have.