I (F38) am in a discreet relationship with my girlfriend. She's bi-sexual. For months, I’ve been watching her do something that honestly makes me lose respect for her.
She’s obsessed with "life coaching" her ex-boyfriend. He’s in a serious relationship with someone else, but he calls and texts my girlfriend constantly to vent. Instead of setting boundaries, she leans into it. She gives him "advice" specifically intended to sabotage his current relationship and make him lose interest in his girlfriend.
The most twisted part? She encourages him to tell her about his flings and affairs with other women. She treats him like a project, and she loves the power trip of knowing he values her "opinion" over everyone else’s. She thinks she’s being wise and helpful, but I see it for what it is: she’s enjoying pulling the strings of his life while his actual girlfriend has no clue.
I’ve seen the screenshots of their chats. He tells her everything. I feel like a coward for staying quiet, but I don't want to blow up my own life. I just keep thinking about that poor girl who has no idea her boyfriend is being "managed" by his ex. It’s sick.
He basically treats the ex like a 'safe harbor' for his cheating. He tells her when he meets someone new, and she gives him tips on how to hide it. It’s like they’re bonding over how much they can get away with. It makes me want to throw up.
I have screenshots of the 'advice' she gives him and the things he says about his gf, and it’s worse than I described. Part of me wants to send them to the girlfriend anonymously just to set her free, but I’m terrified of my partner finding out it was me. Is it ever okay to stay silent when you see someone being manipulated like this?
TL;DR: I discovered my girlfriend is acting as a "life coach" for her ex-boyfriend, giving him calculated advice to sabotage his current relationship and helping him hide his affairs. I have the screenshots of her pulling his strings, and I’m disgusted.