This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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My bumble profile says “rarely drinks” and I put the prompt that says “instead of drinks we could”.. and I list a few things. Am I wrong for not even wanting to reply to the men who say “when can you get drinks? Or let’s get drinks?”
The sensation of getting ghosted after a date that seemed about as objectively “good” as possible is always so strange. Went on a date last Monday I wrote about here in another sticky. I never got a reply to a somewhat generic message I sent to her on Wednesday evening. Finally just decided to send the “are you free X, Y, or Z?” message on Saturday and, of course, no response to that one either.
Maybe the only good thing about ghosting is that you start to go “huh, I probably wouldn’t want to date somebody who wouldn’t have the decency to say ‘sorry, but no thanks’ at the very least.” It just always feels so baffling to spend a few fun hours with a person, kiss, etc. and then have them to consciously decide to never respond to you again. What’s always strange to me is I know almost nobody who admits to doing such after a date (unless it was kind of an objective nightmare or slog), but it must be the kind of thing tons of people do that they just say they don’t. If subreddits like this were any indication, you’d think there are somehow hundreds of people who complain about getting ghosted but zero people who actually ghost.
Anyway, I guess I’m feeling a little better about it. Feeling bummed about it slowly just starts to morph into, “it’s so weird this person just decided to completely ignore me, they didn’t seem like that kind of person at all.”
Just a little rant about my current situation.
After some trouble following her father’s death, we had 3 really wonderful months. Things felt stable again, close, and positive. She’s even planning to move near me so her kids can study here (around summer 2027), so we were talking about a real future together.
The last weeks have been a bit bumpy though, and I’ve been trying to give her space to breathe. We haven’t really talked properly in about 10 days now. She told me she needs time to think about who she is.
At the same time, she says I’m “reliable, stable, sweet — like a strong tree during a storm”… but she doesn’t know where she stands herself.
Every 2–4 days she sends me a picture of her and the kids doing something, so there’s still some connection. I’m not worried about another man or anything like that.
What’s hard for me is the space. This is new for both of us.
I *know* giving her space is the right decision… but it’s really difficult to follow through.
I’ll see something nice and my first instinct is to send her a picture and start a conversation — and then I stop myself.
We’re going to see each other this weekend at a monthly group activity. She even asked me to organize it because she doesn’t have the energy right now.
But honestly… every day it gets harder not to just call her.
Is it really better to keep waiting?
How do you deal with that urge when you care about someone but have to hold yourself back?
Curious how you handle a situation where you know your partner had feelings for (never dated but a longstanding crush) on a friend of theirs? My partner has said they no longer have a crush on this friend but I am still very anxious and uncomfortable about them spending time together. Sometimes we hang out as a group and I find myself getting irritated by her. It sort of comes and goes – one moment, I feel like I can be friendly and deal with it, the next I hate her with the passion of 1000 suns and want to scream or cry.
I have already talked to my partner about everything and they reassured me they have no residual feelings, that they like me better etc. etc. and it helped for a bit but I still find myself wishing she’d just piss off. It doesn’t help that she has an annoying “teacher’s pet” personality. She’s in a relationship and unavailable, I don’t see anything happening here. She invited my partner on a weekend group trip and I told my partner I was uncomfortable but did not want to stop them from going. They reassured me and initially I felt better and said it was OK, but thinking about it again I am actually still very unhappy with it.
Some context, a while back I caught my partner on their way to dinner with just her. I would have been fine with this but it gave me a bad feeling that my partner hadn’t mentioned it was happening and I found out about it accidentally. Also, we’ve hung out as a group before and it felt off that I was not invited when we ran into each other. But I have dinner with my own friends one on one sometimes, so I didn’t want to make an issue of it.
How do I deal with this without letting it get to my head? I want to believe and trust my partner and I don’t want to prevent them from being friends with anyone in general. But I can’t help feeling anger towards her. I just want her to go away.
Two cute things this weekend with the guy I’ve been dating that I just want to share:
1. We had plans to meet up on Saturday. On the way, I stopped for coffee. He doesn’t drink coffee so I decided to get him a pastry. When we both arrived, he surprised me with flowers! I told him “I got a surprise for you too!” and gave him the pastry. He laughed and said “We’re so cute, it’s disgusting.”
2. Last night, we went to a party. Typical party small talk, someone asked what we both do for work. He actually has a very cool and unique job. Like imagine if someone said they were a zookeeper or a skydiving instructor or a professional ice cream taste tester. People get excited and ask a lot of questions, so it sort of tends to dominate the conversation. Meanwhile, I just have a very run-of-the-mill desk job. Instead of answering the question, my guy turned to me and said “You go first, tell them what you do for work.” It was a small thing, but I just really appreciated how thoughtful it was of him to let me go first. I really don’t care that much to talk about my job but I really liked that he made sure I at least got to have a turn, you know? My ex absolutely loved to talk endlessly about himself to the extent that it gave me secondhand embarrassment, so this was meaningful to me.
I work at the corporate HQ of a Fortune 500 company so fairly large building (~1,000 people). I’ve noticed a woman a few times on my daily walks of the building/campus that I’m interested in. Gotten a few smiles as we’ve walked past each other (yes I know that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s interested – probably just being polite). The problem is I’ve never met her or would have a reason to interact with her or her team. I feel like a cold approach at work would come across as creepy or unprofessional.
Is there a way to introduce myself/show interest without coming off that way? I’m also just unsure of myself in general about this sort of thing since I got out a long term relationship last year and feel like I have no game now haha.
He asked me to be his gf!
I wrote recently here asking how to talk about exclusivity with the guy I am seeing. The conversation went well, and I enjoyed the following weeks without stressing too much about label. A few days ago, he caught me by surprise and asked in the most sweet way to be his girlfriend. Ofc, I said yes. I am very happy and excited, feels still unreal after all the years of betrayal and toxic relationships!
Officially seeing too many people at once. It’s awesome because I can’t get easily attached to any of them and with how non-committal all these guys on the apps are that’s a necessary precaution.
Less awesome because if any of these guys are very serious about dating and monogamy then I feel like I’m cheating on them and it’s not a great start to a long term relationship.
Conflicted on choosing hedonism versus actual emotional vulnerability.
How do you introduce yourself over text? I went out the other night and my friend gave me a friend of a friends number. I thought she was really cute, we only talked for a small amount of time because the bar was chaotic and we danced for a bit. Then our group split up and she went home. Anyways my friend gave me her number and I was told that the girl was okay with giving her number to me.
I don’t know what else to say than, “hi it’s ___ from the other night”
It’s been a few weeks since I posted an update on Green-Flag Boyfriend. The relationship has continued to deepen, and although I think it all appears pretty unremarkable from the outside, it’s felt extraordinarily beautiful to be inside.
I’m not at a point of planning my life around him, but we’ve started sort of future-testing our dreams and aspirations. We’ve begun thinking about what’s possible for us and what kind of life we could have together.
He told me yesterday that he loved me, and I said it back.
I feel deeply lucky to have found him 🩷
I’m happy to see some positive experiences being shared on the sub! (Jealous too for sure, but happy that people are finding each other 😊)
I had a lovely weekend with my bf. It was cold, windy, and gloomy out – kinda ruined my beach plans (although we still caught the sunset on Sunday!) but perfect for sleeping in and snuggling. I love being at home together even though it’s “boring.” He has been staying over even more often, and I like this glimpse of what our life will look like when we live together. Ever since we talked about marriage, he has been referring to us being together forever and it’s super cute 🥺 He often tells me how much he loves me and how happy he is, and the feeling is mutual 💖
Update: confirmed with Amazon it’s from my ex. I guess it must’ve been sent as a gift because Amazon gave me the option to return items and receive a gift card ✨💅🏾
I received an Amazon order with my name and address. Once I opened the package, it was clear to me the very specific order was intended for my ex (combination of beauty products he uses regularly) He never used my address in the past for deliveries or anything so I don’t even think this could be a genuine mistake. It’s been 3 months since he left me.
I plan to ignore it but want to talk with my therapist because I have been keeping myself no contact as a way to protect my heart.
I have also had one item arrive to me that I didn’t order but it was at least shortly after ordering a very similar item in a different style. So I guess it could be Amazon mistake somehow that’s so specific to what my ex uses but i really don’t know. When i compared the shipping label to my usual Amazon orders, i noticed my address was written differently than I write it (included floor level, apt abbreviated incorrectly)
I have no idea what’s going on but it’s messing with me
Just an anecdote, but I was visiting a friend this past weekend and she had mentioned her older sister (who is 35 years old) had struggled to date organically for many years. She didn’t really use apps or only did so intermittently.
I’ve never met her older sister but she is photogenic and pretty so I figured most people would find her attractive.
Apparently she decided to really put herself out there on the apps and apparently she met someone she really likes! They have been dating for over 6 months now.
How does one get dating experience if no one wants to date them because they have no dating experience?
I went on a really nice date Saturday which definitely healed a piece of me that was getting very pessimistic after a string of horrible hinge dates… The date was with an old friend I had worked with at my highschool job forever ago, lost touch for 12 years, reconnected on a dating app, went on 1 date when i was mid-divorce, then 3 dates and he wasn’t ready for more….and now here we are we haven’t kissed yet but I *think* the attraction is mutual? I’m not sure about long term compatibility or if he is even interested in me like that idk…but trying to stop over thinking and just see what happens next
I have a bad habit of matching with people on apps, only being slightly interested, keeping the conversation going, then once they give me their number or ask me out I just ghost.
Been really feeling the pain of being single from a utilitarian standpoint the last few days. I can accept that the remainder of my life will just be finding new ways to fill The Void emotionally, but economically, it’s much harder to deal with.
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After I told my bf of 7 months I love him he has been so sweet and things continue to deepen. I’ve gotten two invites to meet his family since then and I can see him really leaning in. Even though he hasn’t returned the sentiment I still feel cared for, happy and hoping it will continue to unfold.
I talked with my therapist this morning and she said I have to let my brain re-adjust to a safe and healthy relationship. I was in a 20 year marriage with someone moody who didn’t fully choose me or treat me the way I deserve. I deserve to be loved and my brain still needs to adapt. I’m in the spot where things are going so well my anxious parts are looking for holes to poke and things to analyze. Trying to get my brain to relax and just let me be in love and happy. Lol.
At times it feels really freaking lonely to carry all the responsibilities to be an adult by myself all the time. I’m trying to juggle finding a job, my studies, my mental health hiccups/stress, my house hold chores and my social life and as things stand now, I frankly have no clue how I’m still standing.
It’s been a little over 5 years since my ex moved out. I’ve been doing fine for the most part since, but I’m so used to having to go at everything life throws at me alone nowadays that I’ve gotten into the habit of keeping everyone at bay when things are not going so well for a bit (like now). I have friends and other people I trust and could ask for help, but I feel like reaching out and admit I’m not doing so well right now is just admitting that I can’t be a proper functioning adult. Especially as a man, I feel like people just expect me to just have everything figured out and under control and I’m worthless if I don’t. I feel like people would rather see me die on my horse than fall off it.
I am doing everything in my power to get things back on track. But honestly, I feel like I am nearing a breaking point. I envy the people who have a partner to turn to for support and who have each other’s backs. I’m a happy single most of the time but when things go south it reeeeallly sucks.
Taking a massive break from dating. My mental health has been deteriorating rapidly and I’ve unfortunately been letting it affect my days. 🤷🏻 been here before just gotta block the noise, lift heavy weights and put golf ball in hole. 💪
I don’t do well on dating apps so I’ve been going to bars for like 5 months now trying to have a magical moment with someone. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to approach anyone and I’ve mostly just gotten drunk by myself. Bonded with the bartenders. Made friends with a couple of other single guys
Yesterday (Sunday), I decided to go out. Just one beer and home. Maybe my soulmate would also be out on a Sunday. I parked on the street near the entrance of the pub and as soon as I started walking to the door, I made eye contact with a gorgeous woman smoking a cigarette outside. She smiled and said “Hi” and I smiled and said “Hi, how are you?”. She said she was good. I just wasn’t prepared for all this to happen and I ran away by saying I’m going inside for a beer lol.
I did look back outside and saw her talking to another guy and thought “oh well” and worked on my beer. Halfway through the 16oz mug, the same woman comes down and sits next to me and I apologized for running away. I told her I was nervous. She told me I was very attractive and don’t need to be so nervous. She ordered a half pour of bourbon, neat.
We went back outside and she seemed super nervous about asking me something. It was my age. I said 33 and she was so surprised because she’s 34 and mostly runs into much younger guys. She said she was getting overstimulated by the loudness of the bar and asked me if I’d like to go drink in her backyard. She let me take a picture of her ID and send it to my friends to be safe. I also went to the restroom and looked her up and everything checked out. The bartender said he never got bad vibes from her.
I went over there and she had a beautiful setup with patio seating and one of those fire tables. She played a good selection of music. We really bonded and found out we have a lot in common. She could tell whenever I was feeling anxious and calmed me down. Unfortunately I did find out that she’s polyamorous and I don’t want that in a relationship. But yeah she was really cool, I hope to hang out with her again, and this whole experience made me realize I can meet good people and that there’s nothing wrong with me
Last summer I matched with someone on Hinge and asked her out, which she was down for but it was the night before leaving for a long vacation. We texted a bit for a few days until she said it was overwhelming to be on vacation and also chatting, and of course I understood and said let’s pick things up when you’re back.
Texted after she got back, never got a response. All good.
Today she showed up on Hinge and matched with me… wondering how y’all would approach discussing the previous fade / ghost. Assuming we finally get to that first date it will have to come up since we were texting off-app at the time.
After last week’s heartbreak, I went a little hard on the apps to dull the pain. Now I find myself chatting with like 8 matches and I’m stressed out. I usually just focused on one person at a time, but that hasn’t been working out so now I think it’s time to just play the numbers game. Half will probably fade in a couple days anyway. Think the one I’m most excited about already is, after I suggested meet up.
I’ve been pretty burnt out on dating, and was planning on taking a break. I have one girl things are going well with, but it’s a very slow burn. But I have let all my other leads/dating opportunities drop off.
But one night I opened the app, and came across the type of profile I couldn’t ignore, my type exactly. So I matched with her, we had some brief conversation, and she actually asked me out for drinks. I told her, I don’t drink and suggested dinner, so we are going for dinner Wednesday.
But In the past 3 months I have been on some 30+ dates with nearly 20 women, and so many of them went nowhere. I like the idea of her profile, but kind of have that feeling in the back of my head am I wasting my time? The definition of insanity and all. But theres the other voice saying your next first date might be your last.
I want to go into this date in a good headspace, but can’t deny I am burnt out, and feeling a bit down on dating.
TL;DR Im pretty sure I ruined a chance with a guy who could have been really amazing, all because of my own insecurities.
Went on a great first date two weeks ago, chatted throughout the week and he invited me over to his place Saturday night. It would have been fine but I got a cold sore on Monday, and it wasn’t as healed as I wanted it to be by Friday night. So I let him know that I wouldn’t feel comfortable being intimate because of that, and told him we could reschedule if he wanted to. He texted me Saturday morning after I texted him and said yes let’s reschedule. (Also the weather wasn’t cooperating)
So I told him a brief overview of my availability, and then didn’t hear anything back. Around 3pm I texted asking if everything was ok. (I thought I had freaked him out with the cold sore stuff).
No response, so two hours later I texted him saying that it made me feel shitty that he wasn’t making an effort to talk to me because we weren’t going to have sex that night.
He texted back a couple hours later and said “I’m sorry you feel that way, I’m trying to relax from a busy week and I’ve been hanging out with my family. Sorry I haven’t been as attentive as you would like” and sent a pic of him & his family.
I apologized a couple hours later and he said thank you, but didn’t say anything after that.
I texted sunday, apologized again and said I’d love to keep talking, and maybe see him this week but I understood if he didn’t. And I’d let him take the lead on that.
And I haven’t heard anything since.
I was feeling insecure and lashed out at him, which he didn’t deserve. I feel so stupid. And I feel bad that I possibly made him feel bad.
Ugh. I don’t date a lot and have had some relatively recent bad experiences, and I didn’t realize how much that was still effecting me.
I’m frustrated and sad. But I know that will pass eventually. Just wish I hadn’t stuck my foot in my mouth.
My reference checks for small-town-job are in. It’s looking good for leaving the city!
Still worried about dying alone but have been googling said small town like crazy. There’s a really good/affordable/social gym, a book club, and a yoga studio that hosts retreats. My new employer says the team are all relatively new to town and go camping/hiking/ fishing together.
So even though there’s less people there’s a lot of opportunities fore to get out and do the things I love to do. These things are simply out of the budget and don’t fit in my schedule here in the city. I’ll also be getting a raise which means I don’t have to work OT anymore and will have time to have one of those lives everybody’s talking about.
I really hope this is going to be good for me.
Back to square one. I am happily single again 👉👈
I think I’m giving up on dating for now. Maybe it’s not working out for me as a single mom in med school, especially in a small town. It feels lonelier since I started dating for some reason. Maybe it’s best to stop.
Apparently I need to learn to avoid multi texting and coming on too strong early on. Ugh… It’s unfortunate because a lot of people also say they want someone who’s invested in them but that can be such a mismatch in the early stages
I may have boybossed a little too close to the sun, though it was somewhat expected/predicted as it is a consistent pattern for me. If I start living my life as if dating isn’t a priority, and “for myself” as some say, I get an overall apathy toward it that isn’t good for staying open to being surprised
It’s like my brain shuts off the part where I notice other people noticing me, want to follow thru on app matches, and so on. My friends are getting married soon and I’m really happy for them, but it’s not because I’m completely at peace with being single. It’s because marriage, or any long term relationship, feel so far away and distant that it doesn’t even register as possible enough to be sad about being left behind lol
It’s like hearing your friend went to the Olympics. Genuinely great for them because it won’t be me. Which is certainly *a* stage of grief, but not one I’m proud about
I think the value of dating apps is that it’s very apparent that the people you meet would like to go on dates and maybe have sex.
But out in the wild you have to guess what peoples lives are like!
I’m feeling really down after this wedding, also missed a dose of the pill so my hormones are off which isn’t helping.
A guy ghosted me a week before the wedding then texted when I was on the plane there a week later with not really an apology. I haven’t responded, it’s been like 10 days since his message. I’m finding myself tempted to message because I just literally don’t have anyone else. I was attracted to him, I would be/would have been fine with something casual but I don’t know if he wants that or is just stringing me along or if he’ll even respond to me if I reply at this point. I don’t know how to propose or navigate a casual thing especially when he doesn’t even seem that interested.
I just feel so tired and so worthless. How does one go from getting only crumbs for your entire, ENTIRE life to somehow getting married? I don’t even see a makeout or sex or a short term relationship happening for me at this point. I feel like the ugliest person on earth.
It’s also really hard to hear about the lengths men go to for people they’re into and then compare that to the crumbs I get. I don’t think anyone has EVER actually been into me at all honestly.
I got a lot of compliments on my style at the wedding too, it just doesn’t seem to translate into any kind of sexual desirability whatsoever.
Dumped by the woman that would be the last person I dated. We had plans of kids and marriage. I don’t how you go from planning kids and saying I love you to “We need to talk. I can’t be in a relationship right now” within 72 hours.
I know that means “I can’t be in a relationship with you”. But I don’t understand how people can do a 180 so fast.
Starting over at 37, ugh
Woman I was chatting with said she’s happy to talk more in person, so I said great let’s get dinner when are you available? Frustrated she hasn’t responded yet. She is probably busy and hasn’t unmatched I guess but just give me a day so I can plan! Hope she doesn’t fade.
The last week has pretty much been huge confirmation I am completely oblivious when it comes to dating as what is normal for people, is not for me as I can’t perceive any dating interest people exhibit. Like tonight I was at my usual singles league and didn’t think people were really making moves or hitting each other. But one of the volunteers there was pointing out people where she was noticing were making moves and if she needed to help the women get free if needed. But what else, she noticed when it was likely not going bad and they left together. Same for another guy and gal hanging around after the league. When I see these people, I just see people leaving about the same time and same direction and/or just having good conversations. But it doesn’t cross my mind there is interest between them. I can see very physically attractive people and not even think if I want to try and make a move because I only feel friendly, not, “I want to potentially date this person.” Which is odd, because I can be very perceptive on things outside of dating. I can usually see things before most people do. But when it comes to dating related stuff, I think even a marching band spelling it out for me wouldn’t work in me getting the clue.
How do I as a woman go alone to a bar/pub with the hope of meeting someone? How can I be sure of meeting quality men in such places? I only drink socially and somewhat culturally conservative. The apps are not working for me and it looks like I’m running out of options. I also just moved to this city and don’t know anyone except my coworkers who are all married.
Oh goodness. Doing some late night dating app checking, as one does. First profile bumble shows me – okay okay he’s maybe cute, great the written stuff is neutral to hell the fuck yeah, and his about me is great (matches me on many things and also he’s the perfect height) as is his looking for.
So I take a closer look at the pics. To realize he looks a little like my (deceased) brother. And my (also deceased) dad. I sent a like (and got one in return) bc I’m honestly wondering if we’re related.
Ugh, thinking a bit too much about my ex this morning.