I’m (32f) am a bartender. My job has multiple locations. My regular location is closed to remodel, so I’ve taken more shifts at another location. There’s a regular there that I find attractive, and we’ve had some really great conversations. There really seemed to be a vibe and we have a lot in common.
Friday I stayed late after my shift and we had a great convo. I slipped him a note with my number. I know he’s saw and read it. We talked more at the bar, then I left.
It’s been crickets.
I’m so bummed. I know he’s single and has dated women previously. I really thought it was mutual.
Rationally, I know not all people are a match. It’s not personal. Keep hope. Blahhh
Emotionally, I feel really sad and just defeated. It’s so rare that I feel a connection, but it’s never mutual. I honestly don’t even want to try anymore. I’ve been single my entire adult life. All I want is a relationship but it’s the one thing I can never seem to get.
I just want to curl up in bed and cry.
*edited some grammatical errors
*also going to add what the note said/more context. I wrote a note because there are a lot of regulars, everyone knows each other, and they talk. So I figured a note would be a nonchalant way to approach without making it a thing. He really likes cars and f1 so I write “We auto hangout” with my number and a car doodle. I meant for it to be chill and low pressure as I didn’t want him to feel weird. My bar will be reopening soon, I wasn’t scheduled to work this week, and I’m not sure when my next shift will be so I thought that this would be an ideal time to let him know my interest
13 comments
Well this is what men have to go through over and over again until they find one women to even go out on a date with them.
As a man, it definitely sucks getting rejected. Just gotta keep your chin up for the next one!
He might’ve just been busy, or he lost your number like a dumbass and has been kicking himself all weekend.
Maybe it’s not because of you? There are plenty of reasons he could’ve not texted/called. Never assume you know what’s happening in someone else’s head. You don’t know.
Ugh so sorry. That happened to me once and I never put myself out there like that. I did the same, piece of paper with my number & got rejected. Never did that again. Sorry not much advice just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
There will be another, you got this I believe in you
Who the hell writes a number down on a piece of paper in 2026? Sorry you got rejected but I would’ve rejected you too just for that.
I admire your courage and boldness to do that! I find putting myself out there that kind of way makes me feel rejection a lot harder.
I initiated most of my relationships, and I did that by finding common ground in something we like during conversations, such as a restaurant, a park, swim spot, etc. And if they get excited just talking about those places then I will say something like “I would be down to check that place out! Would you want to go?” Idk. Making a hang out is easier and less pressure than trying to make it obvious I want to jump into dating immediately.
Hang in there, there will be another opportunity for you. You got the charisma and the confidence!
Keep being you. You will meet someone by staying true to your efforts
What you did was brave. You were confident enough to put yourself out there and take a risk. Dont think of him not pursuing it as rejection, but divine intervention. God is weeding this guy out of your life because he isnt the right one. The right guy would have texted you the same night or at the latest the next day. There is always the chance he lost your number or is trying to play it cool by not appearing too eager but honestly, only children play games and what you are looking for is a man so while he sits on his hand consider the whole world your oyster and keep doing you.
Writing your number on a piece of paper and giving it to someone just to have them not call you is a lot easier to deal with than the devastation of them rejecting you straight to your face. Something like that totally destroys any confidence you once had and the way you feel about yourself. But that leaves you wondering why he hasn’t called which could be a number of reasons. But on the other hand asking them directly you at least get an explanation that saves you from constantly asking yourself why. There’s pros and cons for asking directly and giving them your number on paper. Also it still takes a lot to do what you did so you get mad props from me. I’m 39 and I’ve never done what you did out of fear. Whatever you do don’t give up. Even if you get rejected 99 times out of 100 there’s still that one thats going to say yes. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t worry, you got this. 😉
Keep your head up! You did something most wouldn’t do.
It takes a lot to ask someone out. Me just talking to someone I find attractive is almost impossible and requires a lot of alcohol and me being in a happy state of mind in person.
I know the feeling of never being in a relationship and can’t seem to find someone. There was 1 person I liked a lot and knew their type pretty well based off her past boyfriends. But sadly she wants kids and I said I wasn’t sure, which was a no to her.
So now I just try to meet people. No expectations of a relationship. If it happens, great! But based on my results currently, I don’t see a relationship either for me.
It could be he is waiting? He maybe on the spectrum and heard you need to wait x days to text someone?
He could have lost your number
He could be married?
He could be dating someone.
He may not be in a good place mentally ( just broken up with) etc
So you have a few choices not limited to
Going to that bar on your off day and asking him if he lost your number or if he is intrested at all( could work but could come off as wierd and a bit fatal atractiony)
Try to get a shift and see how he reacts to you being his server
Forget this guy he doesnt deserve a woman who makes cute puns of his favorite things. You deserve someone who will appreciate your puns.
Hopefully this helped?