I basically never get a second date, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, because I’m always told they had a nice time and would like to see me again. Then some time between the end of the date and trying to plan the next… poof, gone. If I’m doing something wrong, I’d like to fix it, but I don’t know where to start since I’m not getting feedback.

So, what are some reasons you might do that?


11 comments

  1. If the woman disrespected me or was condescending in some way towards me. So, that might not have to do with your struggles.

  2. It’s possible they are just saying that to end the first date amicably and then aren’t brave enough to be honest after. We can’t really know what’s actually happening, but most people are non-confrontational and so ghosting after the fact is pretty common 🤷‍♂️

  3. Could be any number of reasons, but i don’t have any context from the post.

    Maybe the interest just fizzled out

  4. i don’t think I’d ghost someone after a second date, but maybe if we both kind of knew that it wasn’t going to work out, I’d just not text them more than “i got home” and she probably won’t text anymore either, but other than that case I don’t think I’d ghost someone after 2 dates

  5. Most people don’t want to sound rude and say something like “I don’t think we should continue because I’m not feeling it” right to their face, because there are a lot of psycho people out there that can’t handle rejection (particularly guys) and no one wants to get into a confrontation with someone they don’t know. A lot of crazies out there

  7. Other than being chicken shit and not just telling you we aren’t feeling it the only things I can think of would be we got updated intel on you, we found something better, something happened in our lives, we were lying the whole time and faking everything hoping we would get laid on the first date, we can’t keep up with our own bull shit, low self esteem, we are broke

  8. I wouldn’t, not my style. I would be honest, let them know we won’t work out and wish them well. Now I might not tell them exactly what did it for me, but I will let them know we are going separate ways. Ghosting to me is a sign of immaturity and disrespect.

  9. Sometimes ppl say they had a nice time bc they dont wanna be harsh in person, then clarity hits later. Sometimes they liked you fine but not enough to pursue. I had to learn not every “nice date” means momentum. Ghosting still sucks, but it’s often avoidance, not some hidden flaw in you.

  10. Depending on your perspective, I’ve ghosted or not ghosted after a 1st date, after having expressed interest in a 2nd.

    From my perspective I didn’t ghost – I really enjoyed the person but after feeling like I was the one having to initiate conversations, and/or feeling like the only one actually interested in/excited about the 2nd date (i.e., no “so when would you like to get together again” or other type of mention from the other person), I just stopped initiating/driving the conversation altogether. I’ve experienced this twice and the funny thing is, when I stopped initiating, the conversations stopped as well – i.e., the other person didn’t attempt to reach out either.

    Basically I read it as either 1) this is a person that’s expecting me to assume “the guy role” and kickstart everything or 2) she really wasn’t very interested, otherwise maybe she would’ve reached out. In either case I was happy to reconcile it all before investing time or resources in a date 2.

    Not sure of the exact context around your sitch, OP, but the above is something to consider. You mention the guys you’ve gone out with ghosting, but are you actively trying to engage with *them* before assuming they’ve bounced, or are you waiting for them to reach out about next steps?

  11. People who cling after a first date gives me the ick. I know I’m cute but like.. chill.

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