I’ll try to keep this as simple as possible. I (33F) have been dating someone (43M) for two months now. It’s all been great, we get along so well, he’s so kind and attentive.. very communicative, calls and texts every day we don’t see each other. Haven’t had a single issue at all until now.
When I first met him he was watching his ex wife’s dogs for a week while she was away on a business trip. They’ve been divorced for several months.. maybe like 6, btw and they have no children together and live about 15 ish mins apart, I live 1.5 hrs from him. At first it seemed nice that he was helping her out and they got along.
But now I’m noticing they’re in a lot more contact than I originally thought. I’m pretty sure they talk like nearly every day, texting and on the phone. Two nights ago they went to dinner together, she offered to buy him dinner because she needed help with getting a grill from Home Depot and bringing it to her home (her vehicle wouldn’t fit it). They went to dinner at a local restaurant they went to frequently in their marriage. Then went to Home Depot together. He sent me a video that she filmed of their dogs. It was probably like a 3-4 hr ordeal.
There have been other times she’s offered to buy him dinner for favors, she’s showed up at his house to drop the dogs off and stayed awhile, she tells him about things going on at her work… and he recently asked her for a favor for a 1hr ride home from an airport.
She don’t know I exist. At first he said he didn’t want her to know about me because it would hurt her to know he moved on already. Then he said he didn’t want to answer any questions about me. Then he said oh she probably wouldn’t care but left it at that. She still doesn’t know I exist. Which also wouldn’t bother me if they weren’t hanging out!
Is this normal?? Like what is even happening here?? I don’t want to tell him what to do, but part of me thinks there’s a reason he doesn’t want her to know. I’ve met a lot of his closest friends and even his teenage kids know about me, I haven’t met them though. My friend told me he’s prioritizing her feelings over mine. I haven’t talked to him about it yet because it didn’t bother me that he kept me a secret from her at first, but I also didn’t think they had a lot of contact with each other. Part of me also thinks he’s just keeping me around because he thinks I’m hot and it’s fun for him. I’ve never known a divorced couple with no kids or ties to each other have this much communication. Do I cut my losses and end it because at best he just has bad boundaries and at worst he isn’t ready to move on?