It basically happens every time I ask her for comfort or when she brings up a past struggle of mine to discuss it.
Recently she for example started to once again dig in my last relationship before her. I can understand her curiosity a little because it was a failed marriage with a brazilian woman (I am european) that ended in divorce, so I'm usually not too hesitant to tell her about what happened when she asks. Obviously I don't like talking about this topic all too much though but I feel like she deserves to know what she's working with. What really upsets me however is when she starts playing devils advocate for my ex.
To give a recent example: She asked me why I wasn't too far in packing my things back then when my plan was to live with my Ex abroad and I told her that the reason was that my Ex kept changing her mind about where she wanted us to live together all the time. My guess was that she likely didn't know herself what she wanted and I didn't really have time to organize my emigration before she broke up with me. (My Girlfriend knows my Ex eventually left me for another man who was a little better off financially since he already had an established life in her hometown and that she then fabricated some weird translation error of mine into a reason to blame me for the break-up, long story).
My girlfriend then proceeded to take the side of my Ex saying that "it's unfair of me to judge her for not wanting to move to my place in europe because we were both still young and I couldn't expect that because so much can change." …and it left me kinda speechless because I don't really know why you would play devils advocate over something like this. Not only does she know that it was one of the most painful experiences in my life but she is also aware I was willing to take the step to move to my Ex, so it's not like I was demanding her to come here, giving her no other choice. All I wanted was certainty where we'd end up for the time being to better plan things. Aside from this: Call me old fashioned but we were married and I think you can expect a little commitment to make things work somehow (especially given how much of a pain it was to get married internationally in the first place. Took us 1 entire year.)
Another example is that she started defending my boss when I complained to her that he kept on criticising all my work in a destructive manner without giving me clear instructions on what to do better. My girlfriend then kept on telling me that I should just improve my work through experience and just go apply somewhere else if I don't like it there. (Which… Normally fair enough but not in this economy).
So… Is my skin just too thin? …or do you think she might be projecting? She is also not from my home country originally but has already been living here for a few years so maybe it just hit a wound spot for her or something… Another explaination I could think of is that she wants to challenge me to cause personal growth which to a certain degree is of course fine, but sometimes all you need is just that pat on the back and someone to tell you that everything will work out in the end. How do I tell her I don't like that she does that so often and that it makes me feel alienated? I think in a healthy relationship you should be able to provide comfort to each other and it's getting to the point where I worry that I might just not get that when I tell her about any of my issues.
I should mention that we have only been dating for half a year and are still getting to know each other on certain things.