My husband has been porn addict for over 10 years. It has caused him to have ED, and he prefers the porn over me. He will not stop. I have accepted this. I suggested we open our marriage because I can’t leave but I’m obviously unhappy. Initially he was excited to try it. Then when we started planning, he backed out. He said he wanted to focus on our relationship and spice that up instead (we have tried toys, games, rough stuff, making our own videos, and watching porn together). He has been wanting to have sex with me more, but I don’t even want to when he’s wanting to watch it. I still do, but it just isn’t what I’m into. So I’m feeling really torn. He’s probably still watching by himself, but at least he is showing me some attention now. Well in the last two days he has brought up happy end massage places multiple times. The first time he asked if I would go with him. I said no, I wouldn’t want to catch a disease and he isn’t going either. He thought since I’d be open to swinging with other couples (who have been tested), that I would be interested in that. Then he brought it up again but asked if I’d give him a happy ending massage. Which we did and it was ok. He wasn’t really into it. He had to turn on a video to finish. So I thought that was the end of that. Then today he says it again, completely out of the blue. Like the topic of sex wasn’t at all in the realm of our conversation and it was so out of place for the conversation. I snapped and said that it isn’t going to work like that. If he wants to be open with other women, I want to be open with other men. That’s the entire point of me bringing it up. He already cheats on me everyday with multiple women (watching porn, nothing physical that I know of), but he’s been my first and only. I just felt like he was actually thinking about us being apart or with others and decided he didn’t want that. But of course, he wants to be with other girls and see me with other girls, but just doesn’t want me to be with another man 😒 Which is my entire goal at this point. I don’t know what my point of writing this is. Other than it hurts to believe him and then see the truth over and over. I can’t believe I keep genuinely thinking he’s changed 😞 Where do I go from here? I had a serious conversation with him yesterday and he said he was joking about the massage parlor comments. That it was a bad attempt at using sexual humor to pursue me. But I asked what the funny part is, he said that they exist. I have caught him looking up brothels once before. But I didn’t freak out because it was in another state and he said he was just looking because he was curious. Leaving isn’t an option for me. Cheating isn’t an option for me. I want to somehow salvage this. But now after these massage parlor comments, I’m going to constantly worry that he’s already gone or will go. I don’t know how I will live with that anxiety. Do I move forward with therapy with him and try to make it work with just the two of us? Do I open the marriage anyways since he keeps watching porn behind my back and acting so suspicious?