Edit to add: I didn't expect this many comments this quickly, so just to address something everyone seems to be saying…he's got pretty severe ADHD. A lot of things get broken. Sometimes it's better managed than others, but we'll go through periods of time where there are a lot of mishaps. Medication isn't an option unfortunately (he's tried multiple times, this isn't an issue of him just not trying to get it under control) and managing it through other means is kind of inconsistently helpful. I'm not absolving him of responsibility here, but it's not coming from a place of maliciousness or uncaring.
Yes, this makes me an asshole. I get it. I still want to open this up for discussion with him.
My husband's grandma had a set of antique china that she painstakingly collected over her lifetime. It's beautiful, and one of the last times I saw her she told me how sad she was that she had nobody to leave it to who would appreciate it. I said that I was sure one of her other relatives would love it, but that if she wanted to leave it to me I would absolutely cherish it. I was worried that it was inappropriate to say that, but she seemed thrilled and packed it up for me that same day. That was five years ago.
My husband and I do not agree on how this tea set should be used. I think it should be put away and taken out a few times a year for birthdays or when we want to be fancy or just deliberately remember his grandma. He wants to use them much more often – when I'm away I know he drinks coffee from the teacups every day, for instance.
The problem is, he's also extremely clumsy. We go through dishes really quickly – a new set of drinking glasses at least once a year. He breaks at least one dish every month. He broke the teapot the first year we had it – he initially promised to replace it, but then realized it would cost a fair amount of money and never did. I replaced it in the end. He's broken two teacups already.
I loved his grandma, but obviously I didn't love her as much as he did. They were very important to each other, and I know using the china makes him feel close to her.
But I also know that she loved her china collection, and was very careful with it. I think she left it to me because she knew I would do the same. I hate that it keeps getting broken.
I know my husband likes to drink coffee out of more delicate cups, so I buy him a secondhand china teacup every time he needs a new one.
Today I went to do the dishes and moved a heavy pan in the sink, only to find one of his grandma's teacups (unbroken, thankfully) right underneath it. I said (passive aggressively, I realize), "Hey, when did you start using these as every day cups again?"
And he said, "Oh, well I broke my every day one last week."
I am frustrated and annoyed. It's important to me that this china be protected (to a reasonable degree! I'm not saying we should never use them, just that we should be deliberate and careful about it). I don't know how to get him on board, or whether I should just…let this go and let them get broken?