I M30 want to seek advice before going to sleepdoctor.

I'm 13 years together with my wife, since the beginning of our relationship i have periods that i would touch (fingering and oral) and have sex with my wife. I have not one memory of this when i wake up. Once i woke up because my wife was on top, she said we were already an hour or so in the proces.

In the last 3 weeks i had this sleepsex 8 times. It keeps my wife out her sleep and she's not happy about it.

Since i was a teenager i'm always really horny, maybe even sexaddicted, and since we had the kids the bedroom adventures are becoming less frequent.

Our daughter also sometimes sleep with us in bed, i'm really afraid that i possibly could start touching her

What can i do besides going to seek professional help?

Edit:

As everyone is attacking me about me neglecting my kids and putting them in danger etc.

Appointment was already made before i wrote this post. It takes 3.5 months to get in.

We talked to my daughter about staying in her own bed when she wakes up but this morning i woke up to her being in our bed.
She's to little to talk about and understanding the subject.

We only found out this weekend that this is a real and serious disorder. When it happened in the past my wife and i laughed about it, not thinking much of it as it happened long periods of time apart from eachother.


31 comments

  1. all i can say is please seek professional help, especially because you’re concerned about your daughter and cant control it while you’re asleep. you should get this figured out and probably keep your daughter out of your bed until you figure it out. or sleep on the couch while your daughter is in your bed with your wife. there’s not much any stranger on reddit can say on this, i think it requires a professional

  2. Just seek professional help fr. Until the last part I would’ve said you can just try to analyze where it comes from but your kids should in no way be included in that problem. Go the doctor…for the sake of your kids

  3. Why would you want to do anything other than seek professional help when you yourself admit there’s a nonzero chance you could accidentally violate your own daughter?

  7. Get Professional Help ASAP!!!
    There are lines you Absolutely cannot cross!!

    Please see a Professional

  8. Ffs man don’t let your daughter in your bed if that’s a concern. Just knowing it’s possible and allowing her anywhere around you while you’re “sleeping ” is creepy AF. Sleep in another room or another state do something

  9. Until you get this figured out have your wife sleep with the children in a locked room and you sleep elsewhere

  10. why are you avoiding the doctor? There is no other solution, this is completely a neurological thing we can’t help you!

  11. The rule for everyone’s well being is no kids in bed . Should be everyone’s rule always

  12. You need to have some hard rules on it.

    Here are mine:
    If kids come into the bedroom, wife MUST wake me and I’ll shift to spare room/sofa. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MUST I REMAIN ASLEEP IN BED WITH ANYONE ELSE!

    If visiting family/friends we must always get a hotel. I don’t sleep walk but from what she’s told me I can also be loud and vulgar/explicit when I’m acting out.

    If my wife is tired or not feeling it, she needs to physically check I’m awake by getting me out of bed as a confirmation I’m now fully aware of what’s going on.

    And most importantly seek help.

  15. You need to start sleeping separately in your own bed and get professional help in that order.

  16. Man seek help from a professional, anything less than that is putting your whole family life at risk

  17. Hi, sexomnia haver here. Symptoms worsen for some people if they’re especially tired or they have poor sleeping patterns. Other than keeping your sleep regular and restful, there’s no advice that can be offered besides seeking treatment, of which there are a few medications your doctor can prescribe.

  18. Seek professional help. This is a rare, maybe uncommon/underreported disorder, and is often associated with other disorders like sleep apnea, epilepsy, and even Parkinson’s. It’s not only disturbing your wife’s sleep, but it’s disturbing yours.

    I don’t know why you are hesitant about seeking medical help, but it’s a must. If you drink or use other substances, stop because that may be a trigger.

    But if your daughter is in the bed with you ever, you need to see a professional. I don’t know if this is a male ego or pride thing, but put that aside and get help from your doctor.

  19. therapy is a good idea as sometimes this type of behavior stems from the same things thay cause sleep walking. go get professional help ASAP I can not stress this enough

  20. You are getting a lot of pretty judgmental advice. I agree that you should not let your daughter sleep in bed with you. I have a similar problem and I would say to masturbate or have sex before you go to sleep. I have never once had this issue after that.

    This is not to take away from talking to a doctor, but it should help while you are waiting for the appointment.

  21. Unfortunately this isn’t something that can be fixed without a doctor. I see that you said you have an appointment, until then the solution is probably going to be sleeping solo where a child can’t join you. I have some knowledge on this condition and it isn’t something you can prevent on your own. It happens like sleep walking happens, you can only mitigate who it affects until a doctor can trial meds. Even during that you may need to separate yourself from others.

  22. Unfortunately this isn’t something that can be fixed without a doctor. I see that you said you have an appointment, until then the solution is probably going to be sleeping solo where a child can’t join you. I have some knowledge on this condition and it isn’t something you can prevent on your own. It happens like sleep walking happens, you can only mitigate who it affects until a doctor can trial meds. Even during that you may need to separate yourself from others.

  23. I suggest zipping yourself up in a sleeping bag, this works well with sleepwalkers to prevent injury, I’m sure it would work for you in the interim.

  24. Try not to feel so guilty. you’re not conscious and you’re not actively participating in these acts. i’m sorry you’re going through this as it is very hard when it feels like your own body betrays you. Try to set sleep boundaries for you and your family if it truly is as frequent as it sounds and maybe take note of things you do during the days that you have an episode. Maybe there are subconscious triggers that you can mitigate.

    Most of all just be kind to yourself when dealing with something as tough as this, it seems as if you’re sound of mind and have made the smartest and best choices you can so far.

  25. Get a lock (or a couple) on your bedroom door so you can’t leave the bedroom and your daughter can’t get in. Your wife should be waking you up every time you have sexomnia.

  27. My husband and I have been together for over a decade. He’s had sexsomnia probably like 10 times in that timeframe. It was like the 4th time it happened when we even identified what was happening. I always thought he was trying to get frisky in the middle of the night and I was like “okay well I can be fun and have some spontaneous middle of the night fun”. He’s “woken up” while we’re having sex a few times. I’ve noticed the trend for him is this always happens when he is really stressed in his daily life. Is there anything (other than figuring this out, and the harsh replies to this thread lol) that is stressing you out lately? Any trends you can identify across the experiences that could make you more likely to have an episode? I’ve also noticed that for him it always happens earlier in the night, so probably before he drops into deep sleep.

  28. I get that you have an appointment set up, but it’s months away. You need to get better at mitigating harm right NOW though. It’s understandable that a very young child with a fear of the dark might occasionally want to lay with their parents. So that means that YOU need to take responsibility of your condition and find alternate sleeping arrangements for YOURSELF. The couch, a different room, stay with a friend or family, or even getting a cheap motel room. Hell, sleep in your car. The risk of potentially doing something to your very young child, even if it’s not on purpose, is simply too high for you to avoid inconvenient sleeping arrangements. You need to get ahead of this right now. Are you willing to inconvenience yourself to do this? Do you understand what I’m saying here?

  29. I think the reason you’re getting really judgmental comments is because you’re acting like separating yourself and your daughter is impossible or too hard. It’s not. If you truly feel like it’s absolutely impossible to keep your daughter out of your bedroom at night (it shouldn’t be but I digress) then YOU need to isolate yourself in a bedroom until you get professional help. People have already suggested similar things but you’re not addressing these.

    Other temporary solutions (like masturbating or having sex before bed) should only really be tested while sleeping next to your wife IF you fully lock out your daughter, no exceptions. You cannot risk this triggering when there’s any possibility she’ll be in the bed with you.

    Hope that’s less harsh, and best of luck.

  30. Just a reminder for OP, reddit makes everything seem like doomsday, its not.
    The human brain is wired to avoid contact like that with our kiddos, so im assuming you’d be fine? (No creds to back that up, just tryna logic it out)
    But if you wanna reduce that, look into treatment options, it isn’t something to panic about. Couldn’t tell ya why folks are ready to crucify

  31. If you can’t keep your kid out of your bed then you need to keep yourself out of your bed. Sleep in another room and lock the door. In the meantime, seek professional help.

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