I'm 26, and everyday is even worse than the day before, nothing makes sense, my future isn't clear and I have no idea what to do with my life.
Part of me wants to focus on establishing a career, another part wants to live my 20's, and another part is contemplating if I should settle down and start thinking about starting a family.
I can't decide on anything, I keep looking for a way to escape reality and coming up with excuses on why life is just not working out which leads to spiraling even more.
Genuinely lost and honestly pissed off.
I'd love to know if that ever goes away and if anyone has been in a similar situation when they were younger and how long it took for things to become more clear.
(Sorry for my english, it's not my first language)
26 comments
Here’s an original copy of /u/roseonne’s post (if available):
I’m 26, and everyday is even worse than the day before, nothing makes sense, my future isn’t clear and I have no idea what to do with my life.
Part of me wants to focus on establishing a career, another part wants to live my 20’s, and another part is contemplating if I should settle down and start thinking about starting a family.
I can’t decide on anything, I keep looking for a way to escape reality and coming up with excuses on why life is just not working out which leads to spiraling even more.
Genuinely lost and honestly pissed off.
I’d love to know if that ever goes away and if anyone has been in a similar situation when they were younger and how long it took for things to become more clear.
(Sorry for my english, it’s not my first language)
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Probably started around 28 for me, and I’ve felt lost for about a decade (38 now). I have no advice, just that life comes at you fast, so try to stop and smell the roses every once in a while.
Sometimes you have to be lost to find your way back in life
Do not give up
You don’t.
You get used to it.
Stop thinking about missing out and start thinking about what you enjoy, that won’t fuck your life up. Do those things, work hard at something so you can have more money to do more of those things.
You can do some of the fun things that could fuck your life in moderation too… most intelligent and hard workers do.
Make friends, have ONS, fuck a lot, date, when the right one comes you’ll know (she’s not the right one if she doesn’t want you too, it’s not hard when it’s right)… then when you’ve dated for a a year or two try living together, if that works see how you feel then. Aiming for family before that is putting the cart before the horse a pipeline to single parent by mid to late 30s.
Currently 44. I’ll post back again when I have it all figured out. Just take it one day at a time. Everything in life is a tradeoff for something else. Just do the best you can.
A pre-prescribed answer isn’t really going to help. You need to figure this one out yourself. Ennui is totally natural at your age, and pushes you to do that figuring.
For me, it was getting back into art/music in my twenties. Having a craft like that, and making things you want to make, it’ll always feel like you’re progressing.
For some it’s pursuit of money, others building a family… What do you want your future to look like? That’s not our place to answer.
I’m 39, it comes and goes in different seasons of life
You learn to adapt, adjust, navigate the different seasons the older you get
Somewhere around 35 or so.
Will tell you when it happens.
35
38
35
Sounds like that voice is talking to you. Listen to it. It tells you when you need to make a change.
Escape doesn’t sound worthwhile to you anymore. Good. Now build the reality you want in 10 years. Compound skills.
You want a career? Then try ? Doesn’t work? Stop?
You wanna live your life? Do it, you need money n some sort of responsibilities tho.
How you gonna start a family if you don’t got shit for yourself??
Be fr, you’re 20. Go get a job u like n go from there.
That’s the 20s. It’s part of life. 30s tend to make a little more sense as that is usually the “I’m an adult!” phase. Then at 40 you have the whole “what have I done with my life?!?” and at the same time more and more of the “eh, fuck it, it doesn’t matter”. Coming to the end of that phase so can’t speak to what the 50s are yet. But they do seem quite interesting.
I am always lost. But in different ways. You will work it out. Just don’t die and you will be fine.
38 I’ve never been so lost in my entire life, hope that helps
46 still not there…. I should probably qualify that statement some.
I am a 46 year old man with a family. My children are all in their teenage years and all of us are relatively healthy. They play sports like typical teenagers and my wife is a homeschooling mom. I work as a physician (optometrist) and I make great money, well above market norms. I have tons of vacation time, I spend as much time as I can with my kids, I try to have meaningful relationships with all of them. Even still, no matter what “life stage problem” you fix, the next one still looms overhead. I had it figured out until the game changed. How will I pay for college? New house? What about retirement? The only thing I’m certain of is that I will almost definitely have to work until I die. I don’t call that “figured out”. We men always want to be a pillar or foundation for the family. Sometimes we might look like things are figured out from an outsider’s perspective, but for guys like me, I just always feel like I’m treading water on a rising tide.
Bollocks to this “live my 20s” stuff. I did that mate. I spent my 20s partying. Thought I could sort my life out after. I’m 42 now and deeply, deeply regret my choice. I wish I’d saved my partying until now, when I am more financially stable and have the capacity to really enjoy myself.
Don’t beat yourself up for having no idea what to do with your life. Most people don’t. You are not strange for feeling like this
When you realize we’re all a little lost, we just find ways to move forward throughout the confusion.
It won’t happen until you find a career where you make enough money to comfortably support a family that loves you caring for them.
Until that happens you’ll keep spiraling into nothing
20, born in the 60’s, we didnt get time to feel, just do
I was not the most responsible young man. But I kept chipping away at college. Definitely enjoyed my 20s. And got a professional career right at 30 years old.
You don’t have to have everything figured out, but I would recommend working towards something.
I do not suggest starting a family until you have the kind of solid foundation in life to support one.
Do not look down your nose at trades. Electrician, welder etc pay way better than people think they do. Combine that with a county job, especially those that offer a pension and you got a lifetime career.
If you find yourself lost in the woods, stop and build a cabin. You were lost, and now you live here. You have greatly improved your predicament!
Unfortunately you are about to feel even more lost.
27 will be the peak of that feeling.
I went through this…
Just find something to dedicate your time to ( don’t marry).
Make sure whatever you’re doing makes you money.
Late 20s/early 30s are better than early to mid 20s imo
Hi! I’m 48. I live in a house in the woods and have a cool job that I love. I had a kid really young and now he’s nearly 30 so I live alone.
I think the most important thing you can do is look at how you can rephrase the question you’re asking. Like, rather than figuring out your whole life, what do you want the next year, 5 years, 10 years to look like? 26 is young. I didn’t start working in my field until I was in my mid 30s. I spent my time before that trying to figure out what life meant for me.
I realized in my case that I didn’t want what many folks want. I wanted to create a system that worked for me and that wasn’t the traditional, ‘get a job, get married, have kids, move to the suburbs’ thing so I had to really consider what I wanted and then slooooooowly move towards that. Mine was based on values of semi self sufficiency and also coming to terms with the fact that being a young parent who didn’t want any more kids meant that many avenues for dating were closed to me.
I made that work really well, have loved women, have enjoyed the company of more and have been pretty open to experience and most importantly other ideas the whole time. I think you’re fucked. Like your whole generation is fucked in a way that is unfair and brutal. BUT, that means you get to create your own values and paths cause the old ones will not work anymore.
I have a patch on a jacket from when I was young and cool, that says “set no path, never lose your way”. It’s kind of been a guiding light for me. Same with the saying “not all those who wander are lost” cause lost implies you’re trying to get somewhere. Just explore. You have so much time. The more experiences you have now the better you’ll know yourself as you age and know what it is you even want to look for, which I get the feeling you don’t know yet. So stop.
Let purpose find you. It’ll come. Don’t give in to addiction or mindless pleasures seeking, but do embrace pleasure. Find moderation, find joy in your own body and mind. The rest will reveal itself to you if you get a handle on you you are first.