This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Staring at a match i swiped on and sent a message to on Saturday night and figuring ill give it till 5 (about 8 hours from now) before unmatching if they dont reply.
How long do you guys give no response folks before unmatching?
Im sad. I was chatting with someone who I was getting excited about and they suddenly started doing the slow fade.
But it’s monday and im really grateful for the routines that i have developed while being alone. I feel like even though I’m sad and don’t want to do anything, I can just automatically fall back into my routines that have brought me peace time and time again.
I posted here a couple days ago about how the guy I was seeing for months didn’t want to label us boyfriend/girlfriend
Brought it up again yesterday and it became clear he never really intended to move past “exclusive situationship”…he was so afraid to commit he refused to even try.
I broke it off because I realized that wasn’t good enough for me. I even tried to negotiate with him, because I didn’t want it to end. I’m sad. I really liked him and thought things were different.
I found a hair clip a girl left at my new guy’s place the night before. I knew we weren’t exclusive yet but honestly it hurt confirming that someone was there the day after me. He said nothing happened between them, but I don’t know how to move forward.
I went camping with my new partner and a bunch of their friends. You certainly unlock a new level with someone when you spend 2 nights in a tent with no running water and only a pit toilet 😂 Had a great time despite me not being much of an outdoorsy person and the final night it stormed the whole time as you cling to each other in the dry tent.
The last few first dates I went on, the other person was at least 10 minutes late. I’m seriously starting to consider leaving at the 10 minute mark because it seems that my time isn’t being respected. Is anyone else dealing with this?
Quit my job which I loved so much for a long time at the beginning of the year, had a rest up and trying to get back to work. Even I have only been applied jobs for a week/4-5 places, I now realised I may have fucked myself up as my earlier career choice locked me in a weird position; I will find jobs in my old area but less wanted if I want to expand in adjacent area. Good thing over the last few months I found someone I love and have a relationship now, after being chronically single for millions of years. I feel like I won the lottery. I don’t know what I have done in my life to deserve finding this person and have feelings reciprocated. I’m gonna see them tmr, but I can’t sleep now after receiving an email of a job application rejection. At the same time I started working out for two months but I look more chubby and disgusting and my skin is worse despite some UV treatment. Anyways. This is my vent. Having your 30s turn up side down in good and bad way is fun but not fun. Well, fuck around and find out lmao.
I really want to see them tmr but at the same time I wish I don’t wake up after going to bed. Good night.
Feeling so depressed this morning. Felt like I had really made progress with the person I was seeing spending the night with her but feels like I’m truly getting the slow fade. I don’t understand it, which is one thing. But I’m also feeling just truly crushed by the whiplash of feeling amazing only to have it ripped away almost immediately. Feeling rejected at the exact moment I really fell for her.
I don’t know how to date in a healthy way, like how can I get excited about someone and build connection without opening my heart, but then I open my heart and end up getting so hurt.
There must be some sort of weird star alignment or early full moon condition happening here as I just became exclusive with someone.
A connection that I had one date with, texted for a bit, and decided to not continue with reaches back out a week later to continue a grievance at me (blocked her)
My ex sent a joke message out of the blue after a contentious breakup a few months ago, as if nothing happened
Pretty wacky.
Went on a third date this weekend and to be honest I’ve slept on it and I don’t think the connection is there. The only thing is we discussed possible fourth date ideas during the third so it’s probably going to seem like a 180. I could do a fourth date to give it another shot but I don’t want to waste her time either.
I’m trying to talk to guys on dating apps, but I noticed a pattern that they don’t seem to want to text much and sometimes go a few days without messaging, which makes me think they lost interest…anyone have similar experiences and any advice for this?
Went and painted the town on a first date this last weekend. Ended back at my place. She’s 42x so about 4 years older than me. I think she’s cool but we’re at different stages in life. She wants to move away and settle down back home 4-5 hours away. Not sure how it’ll go, but doesn’t seem like it will last. Already texting has slowed.
I have a date with a woman 4 years younger than me Friday. She’s European in a country I lived in for a year, so we’ve clicked over that well. So we shall see.
A few other things in the fire. But other than that, just enjoying life as best as I can. Dating has always been a mixed bag, not placing any hope anyone of these will be something. Would be nice.
Another opportunity I was hoping for didn’t come through. 😞
I was really hoping this would be the stepping stone to a hot girl summer and soft landing for when my gig ends next month.
Hoping the third opportunity is the one 🤞🏾
Looks like I’ve been ghosted after seeing someone for a bit over two months. Bummer.
I (32m) [joined a local startup matchmaking service back in early February](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/fcnmIqoKAQ) and have been sharing my experience here ever since.
[In my last update](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/OuIekD4Ccj), I had just been introduced to three new potential match profiles: one who seemed more “my speed”, one “firecracker” (as she was described to me) type, and one wildcard (some possible compatibility issues right off the bat, but very good looking). At that point, only the one who was more aligned with me had agreed to speak further with my matchmaker.
Received a progress report text from my match this morning:
•The one who seemed “more my speed” (34f) did end up connecting with my matchmaker over the weekend, but ultimately decided not to move forward. From what I was told, while she didn’t have an issue with tattoos personally, she felt it might create some friction with her family (I’m completely covered including hands, and sides of my head. So I understand).
•The “firecracker” (27f) never ended up responding after initially engaging. She read the message about availability, said she would like to connect, and just… disappeared.
•The wildcard (28F) never responded at all.
So overall, this new batch didn’t lead to an actual date, which is a bit of a theme so far. Crunching the numbers a bit, I realized that since I joined in February I’ve been shown a total of 10 profiles. Of the 10:
•2 matches were officially made. One lasted 4 dates before ending due to her not knowing what she really wanted, and one still hasn’t gotten back to the match maker on her availability more than two weeks after agreeing….though says maintains that she’s interested.
•8 profiles never made it to a first date. 2 I politely defined due to compatibility issues, 4 never got back to my match maker after first contact, and 2 never responded at all.
My match maker mentioned she’s going back into the database again, so we’ll see what happens the next round. I briefly talked about last week not wanting to go back on the apps while ride this new wave….but now I’m not so sure. I’ll sit on these feelings for a bit before I make a decision.
First time dating new people as an adult after 10-yr relationship ended almost 2 years ago at 28. First actual match after being very picky with my swipes for months. Had two dates so far and we seem to match very well on most things. Biggest concern is libido. I’m on SSRIs and mine is pretty low, which was a problem in my last relationship. His seems high, even higher than my ex. I don’t know if he has enough dating experience to really know what it’s like when there’s a mismatch. He says he’ll be okay with it but I feel like that might be the death of us.
Taking it one step at a time and just enjoying the ride at the moment though ☺️
Have been sending some voice notes back and forth with someone I’m meeting for the first time this weekend and I tend to ramble – I called that out cheekily, she told me “I don’t mind you rambling, you have such a nice voice and I love hearing you speak” 🫠
Hey folks in your 30s,
Have you ever walked away from a relationship not because there wasn’t love or care—but because you just couldn’t understand each other emotionally?
Like, every disagreement somehow turns into a full-blown war. You try to fix things, even take space, but you keep coming back… and end up hurting each other again.
It starts to feel like a constant tug-of-war. Deep down, all you want is something simple—just love, peace—but somehow ego, expectations, and all the “why didn’t you do/say this?” stuff keeps getting in the way.
At some point, do you just accept that love alone isn’t enough?
Would really like to hear if others have gone through this—and how you made sense of it.
I can’t tell if I’m being slow faded or breadcrumbed or if it’s just her communication style. We had a really great 2nd date on Friday night (great conversation and chemistry, extended dinner to drinks at a 2nd location) and I might have gotten a little over eager based on how well I felt the date went and texted her that night asking she wanted to get together again that weekend. She responded the next morning saying she had a packed schedule and couldn’t which is fair enough, but she also didn’t suggest or ask about another time. I texted again last night hoping to start a conversation and start planning another date and didn’t hear back until this morning.
This has been pretty standard so far in the two weeks we’ve been talking. She’ll often take 12+ hours to respond and it’s not uncommon for us to go a day or two at a time with no communication. Prior to the 2nd date it didn’t really bother me that much because we were still pretty much strangers and I would prefer to get to know each other in person rather than over text anyway, but I feel like if she thought the date went as well I thought it did there would be more eagerness to schedule another. I would totally be ok with her telling me she’s not feeling it but not having a good grasp of how she’s feeling is starting to drive me crazy. Is this valid or am I being too needy and expecting things to move too fast?
Context: In March, I M35 matched with a lady F33 on Bumble. We are both based in south asian country, in case cultural context is needed. In the first week of matching, we exchanged numbers, we setup date 1 and date 2 (week 1 after texting, week 2 after texting, respectively). That was April 01. Since then we have been texting infrequently everyday, she asks questions, asks to see my pictures, my hobbies, but when I ask her questions, she answers very vaguely. I have also tried setting up a date since it has been about 2-3 weeks since I last saw her, but she kind of brushes it away, or doesnt respond …. positively, more like a neutral response. However she asks questions about me.
Funnily we live 30 mins from each other at most, by cab, in peak rush hour. Otherwise 15mins.
I feel I am getting mixed signals, and it is getting frustrating.
The communication seems to be a big barrier already. Recently she asked me if we should go for stargazing. I was like, thats amazing, I love stargazing, its a great hobby of mine, but its on a weekday, how would we manage with our respective jobs? and then she told me shes having her week off. A little…heartbreak there, I mean, i dont need to know everything, but couldnt she have told me this, and we could have planned better, or even something else? But OK. I understand.
I was a little like okay, its a little last minute, but also we can plan to do something else since its your week off, because this wont work out for me but ok. I planned the entire stargazing info, and shared the info with her. I tried to manage work, but it didnt work out.
Obviously I told her I cant go, because work. We should go on the weekend and she was like ok maybe.
At around 2 AM, she called me from there. While I appreciated the call, it felt horrible.
Shes a great gal, we had 2 fun dates, we kissed twice too. We had few things in common, we discussed our non negotiables.
Its so frustrating and heartbreaking…
Link: https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1spvbdr/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/oh8m7v8/?context=3
#Update:
She called me, and she was like heyyyy hows it going?
I asked her about how she was. then i told her what i felt, what is important for me to build early on is seeing each other. she flipped it onto me saying ive been busy which isnt the case. ive never been asked to meet. i always plan, i ask, she declines, without offering an alternate…
I told her I liked her and Id like to see her but the efforts missing. she was taken by surprise, she was like oh but everythign was going well.
I also told her that We stay so close to each other, had it been in another town, city, its understandable.
but are you that busy? but you have time to meet and socialize on the weekend, but no time to be like, hey we havent seen each other in 2-3 weeks, can we grab a coffee/beer? Is that really too much to ask??? Am i overreacting?
I’ve (30 gay m) been going on a lot of first dates that I think are going well and its only until the texts dry up the following days that I realize they lost interest somewhere along the way. I’m okay with the rejection but the fact that my radar is so off and I think its going well when it isn’t is a bit concerning to me.
For me I judge a date by the conversation. If its easy, he laughs at my jokes I laugh at his, we have a lot in common but also show interest in learning about each other’s hobbies. When its flowing I feel good and I’m no longer in my head. Its a level of comfort thats important to me when getting to know someone.
So many dates have had this and then suddenly the date is over after one drink? a few hours later but still an abrupt stop that I didn’t see coming. Some times we aren’t super touchy/physical but I also am not initiating so its hard to go by that as a sign.
Or is the answer to just give up trying to guess? I get the clarity eventually, after a few days and theres no second date after I said I’d like to do it again sometime I can call it.
Had to drop my cat off with my parents because I’m leaving town tomorrow for a friend’s wedding. My apartment is quiet and sad now without his affectionate personality trying to jump in my lap every ten minutes. It’s like something died.
Lookingn forward to the wedding though just for excuse to see friends and take a much needed break from thinkning about work.
Women who seek a minimal-fuss casual thing – how would you want a man to signal to you that he wants the same?
Back in the pool after a LTR (4 years).
I met this girl, really cool. We started texting and messaging, followed each other on IG. Met for drinks. Then two major screw ups on my part:
1. We got really comfortable messaging, getting to know each other (including intimate stuff). Commenting on stuff on IG. I’d had a few drinks this Saturday night and commented on a story she posted (like a private message comment to her) and made what I thought was a funny, lighthearted comment about her appearance but complimenting her. Like literally about how hot she was…but more. Anyway, she thought it was lewd and over the top. And maybe it was. I own it. I apologized profusely.
2. We live in a not huge town. We and like everyone around frequent this one bar. There is this one girl who frequents the bar who is a budding model. We talked/flirted months ago when my partner and I were on a break. She is significantly younger than me. Nothing more came of it. Other than following each other on IG. She posts lots of risqué modeling photos.
Anyway, I didn’t know, but this younger girl is the younger cousin of girl I was talking to.
She saw I “liked” a number of her cousin’s risqué photos (facepalm). Which made her uncomfortable.
So anyway, we went our own separate ways. Sucks and I feel like such a fuckin idiot and a creep and should stay away from IG apparently
Gent with a gorgeous body sent an unsolicited dick pic. I stopped engaging in the conversation and quietly unmatched. Blocked Mr Hi. Feels like I’ll never get laid again but hopefully tomorrow’s date with someone a bit more courteous goes well
I’ve been on Facebook Dating for just under a week and I get matches and have even been on one date. It’s just feels overwhelming once I get a match. Like I have to be able to hold a conversation with the person, set up a first date, hope that goes well and I get a second date. I’ve also been on Hinge about the same amount of time and the profiles are way better there, but I haven’t had any matches yet. Probably because we only get 8 likes a day.
I think my ideal spot to meet someone is at a bar because we’ll already have that in common and it would basically turn into the first date. Unfortunately, whenever I go out I usually end up drinking by myself. I’ve bonded with a few bartenders and made 1 guy drinking buddy. The girls seem to mostly go out in groups and I do not do well in group conversations. I sat by a nice lady, in her 40s probably, the other day and she did talk to me but I got scared and made an excuse to leave. I need to get over my fear of rejection.
I went on a first date with a guy and felt like we really clicked. I had a fun time and we chatted all evening.
I was really excited for the second date but it just felt like it fell flat. I was trying to flirt but wasn’t really getting anything back, we still seemed to have lots in common but it just felt awkward and forced the whole time.
Should I put it down to nerves on their part and go on a third date or would you just cut your losses and say you aren’t a match?