I 32 F did some light fb stalking on my bf 36m and now I regret it

24 comments

1. I don’t know.. does he compare you to his ex at all and want you to dress like her or something? He may have just enjoyed the trip itself and thought you would too and wanted to show you the things he knows would be good…nothing to do with the ex?

2. He could just genuinely really like that location.

3. I have taken my current gf to places me and my ex went to , not because I want to relive that moment (sometimes it actually fucking sucks to go back to some of these places because of hurt)

   But I take my current gf as a way to create new memories and hey, if I know that place works or exactly what it does I have better control of everything going right and I know if she will like it or not
   You know ?

4. Did you enjoy your trip with him?

   If yes, that’s the most important thing.

   How you look at it can be right, but it can also be wrong.
   What if he took you there and did the same things because he thought you would enjoy it? For him, it was nothing more than bringing you to Vegas and having fun with things he knew were worth it.

   You need to openly talk to him about that, as this bothers you.

5. Thinking too much into it. I went on a trip with my ex to a place in Spain and id totally go back there again with a new partner – id want to experience it with the relationship I was happy in, id know the place better so could navigate and make the most of it better and it was just a great place to be. It has zero to do with reliving old moments. And why should planning a holiday be hard graft? Hes reused a holiday idea not a proposal. Get out your head on this one you’ll self sabotage.

   Would be different if he took you to see flamingos for your bday because she’s an avid flamingo fan, but you arent and he couldnt be bothered planning something special. Did you enjoy the holiday?

6. Vegas is a very popular destination for celebrations of all kinds, so I wouldn’t read too much into it. Does he explicitly compare you to his ex? If not, yeah he probably planned it because he likes it and knew how to ensure a good time, plus the experience with different people makes it unique.

   I’d also avoid looking through your partner’s social media if it tends to elicit these feelings.

7. This is why you don’t fucking go into peoples history and start imagining insane scenarios.

8. Your feelings make sense, but “recycling” isn’t automatically a bad thing. Sometimes people reuse trips they know are fun and logistically smooth. One small thing you could do is casually ask, “What made you pick those places for my birthday?” and really listen to his answer.

9. You are deffo overthinking, clearly it was a good hotel so he’s thought to stay there again. Regardless of him being there before, would you have not done those things on the itinerary anyway as a first time going? H

10. You’re overthinking it, but that’s understandable, I would too.

    He most likely chose those places because he enjoyed them and wanted to share them with you. I don’t think it has anything to do with his ex. If he wanted to relive memories with her he would be with her.

11. > It makes me feel like the trip wasn’t really planned for me at all…like he was trying to re-live a trip he took with her

    > it feels like he was trying to rewrite old memories…

    These are *thoughts*, not feelings.

    This is the story you’re telling yourself about why your boyfriend used a previous itinerary for your birthday trip.

    *His* reason for doing so may or may not align with the assumption you’re making. Maybe he enjoyed the trip and wanted to do those activities again. Maybe he didn’t see the need to plan a whole new itinerary when he already had one on hand. There are other possible explanations that don’t involve “trying to rewrite old memories”.

    If you decide to talk to him about what you saw on Facebook, tell him how you *feel* about the identical itinerary – not what you *think* about why he did it. Let *him* explain why he did it.

    *”Hey babe, I was scrolling Facebook the other day, and I noticed that you and [Ex] took a trip to Vegas and did a lot of the same things we did January. I’m feeling a little hurt, because I thought you had planned our trip specifically for me”*

12. Sounds like youre creating a problem a little bit. Those trips arent cheap and what makes it special is the two of you. Try not to read so much into it and shift your focus on how that trip felt in the moment. If that’s too hard then just tell him how youre feeling and have a conversation about it

13. I had a 5 year relationship before my current one. One summer we went to my mom’s house, which is in a different region in my country and where I spent half of my childhood. I took my ex to a bunch of super cool places, castles and stuff he was supposedly into. He hated it and that trip was the last one we did before we broke up.

    My current partner is from a different country and we lived in a different city so on our second summer together we went to my mom’s and did basically the same activities. He absolutely loved it and we had an amazing time.

    Those places I took him to are gorgeous and deserve a visit. I definitely DO NOT have feelings for my ex nor it was a lack of interest on my side to plan something cool etc. I genuinely think those places we went to are super interesting and would show them to anyone.

14. I think you’re making a lot of assumptions. The first time he went to these places he may have spent the whole time thinking, ‘this place is great……one day I’ll come back here with someone who really loves me’. Just a thought

15. When someone comes to visit me, I take them to the same places I take other visitors because I know they’re going to enjoy it.

    You’re overthinking it.

16. Let’s flip the script. If he NEVER took you to Vegas would you be upset that he never took you to Vegas? “Why don’t you ever take me to Vegas?! Ohhhhh, you could take your ex but I guess I’m NOT good enough for Vegas??!!

    *Example 4,812 of how men are damned if they do (take their GF to Vegas) and damned if they don’t (take their GF to Vegas)*

    Men, stay single and peaceful.

17. Wait until you find out that most men recycle the same type of gift ideas to other exes.

    I agree with the comments. A couple can’t claim a trip to Vegas as their own thing. It might be the same city but different experience.

18. Have you even found out your new partner has never seen a popular movie you thought was good, so you suggest watching it together even though you’ve seen it already few times already?

    This is basically that. He wanted you to have that same great experience.

19. But if he didn’t take you on those trips you’d say, “well how come he took his ex on those trips while he never made any effort on taking me there. Does he even love me?”

20. You are overthinking this. By your standard, you could never go to a good restaurant, never travel to the same city, never see the same Broadway play, etc. just because he had enjoyed these things with another woman. Life is way, way too short for this kind of short-sighted thinking. If you enjoy something with your guy, then that is a good thing. Period.

21. I used to go to a violet festival every year with my husband and was so sad when he left and we stopped going.

    I was considering asking another male friend/possible boyfriend to go with me next year.

    Because I miss going. And I think he’d like it. It’s as simple as that.

22. I would everyone who visits Vegas does mostly the same things.

23. Why can’t he do the same thing again? “Hey, I know this restaurant was good, so I’ll go again!”

    It’s not a conspiracy to repeat things that worked well in the past.

24. He’d been there knew it would be fun. Don’t make it something it’s not.