I would think by 30 I know the answer for that but truth to be told I don’t.
I would like to hear about your opinion (and gender; cuz I think I’d like to hear from all kinds of views). How much communication or texting do you think is normal two months into an established relationship, if it’s with someone you already know for a few months beforehand via online chats?
I’m feeling silly and insecure about my new relationship right now and doom spiralling lmao
Thank you in advance for helping someone who’s chronically single and only experienced romance and love first time in their 30s
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The following is a copy of the above post as it was originally written.
**Title:** [How much communication is normal once you established a relationship](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1spilak/how_much_communication_is_normal_once_you/)
**Author:** /u/Odd-Experience-6891
**Full text:** I would think by 30 I know the answer for that but truth to be told I don’t.
I would like to hear about your opinion (and gender; cuz I think I’d like to hear from all kinds of views). How much communication or texting do you think is normal two months into an established relationship, if it’s with someone you already know for a few months beforehand via online chats?
I’m feeling silly and insecure about my new relationship right now and doom spiralling lmao
Thank you in advance for helping someone who’s chronically single and only experienced romance and love first time in their 30s
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For myself personally, at least some kind of communication every day (not just a one-off txt either, but some kind of back and forth).
If I am dating someone (had the exclusivity / put a label on it talk) I am texting them every day. Might only be a “have a good day at work” or “I love you, goodnight,” but it would be a little weird for me to have not messaged them at all. I say this as someone who isn’t the world’s biggest texter, either.
After two months though, IDK…I guess I wouldn’t consider two months an “established relationship,” even if you were intimately acquainted beforehand, to say nothing of “online chats.” Adding romance to any relationship fundamentally alters the dynamic and IDK if you can apply rules from before.
I guess: I think not texting every day two months into a relationship is fine, but for an established relationship (which I think is more or less impossible to have at two months) then it would be unusual to not text at least once every day.
There should be genuine conversation daily unless there’s a specific reason (camping trip with no cell service, coma, etc). Even on days where you’re traveling or stressed from a busy work day, you can always spend a few minutes checking in via text or call.
This differs a lot based on personality I’d say. To some people it’s okay to exchange a few texts before bed for example, if you haven’t seen each other all day. Others will keep in touch with you throughout the day. With my girlfriend we like to text each other almost all the time when not together, and it’s our both’s preferred set up. From my experience, compatibility in this is generally very reassuring, and incompatibility always brought up a lot of insecurity in me.
If you ask me, I think that if someone doesn’t bother to text you at least once a day, it’s just a lack of interest. No matter how busy/tired you are, you can always can find a few minutes in your day, if you really want to.
Nothing is cast on stone, coz people are different. There are people who talk alot, seme like texting and others conversations on phone.
Thar said, if two people are really into each other, they will make it happen and it will feel easy and effortless.
The healthiest relationship I’ve had is with a mature woman I’m seeing now—we basically text only to arrange meetups and logistics, zero small talk, no pointless phone calls, just clean coordination and then we actually spend quality time together in person instead of draining each other with digital noise. Compare that to every other relationship where I dealt with clingy girls who blew up my phone with photos of their lunch or rambling monologues about nothing, constantly demanding I drop whatever I was doing at work to reply instantly or heart-react to some mundane bullshit as if my job was to provide 24/7 emotional validation. It took me too long to realize that shit isn’t normal—it’s an unpaid emotional labor gig disguised as romance. Find someone secure enough to exist independently without hourly check-ins; the difference between a partner who respects your time and one who treats you like an on-call therapist is literally the gap between peace and exhaustion.
There’s no normal. There’s only what you need and what works for you.
Personally I would expect daily communication (back and fourth, not just one message a day) in a relationship, also in the early stages. I am not compatible with someone who takes days to answer. It makes me anxious and doesn’t work for me (been there, done that)
But some people don’t mind and prefer not talking as much.
So you gotta figure out what you need and communicate that to your partner and see if he or she can meet you in that need.
I’m 38F dating 40M and we text daily throughout the day. That’s our preference and it works really well for both of us. Even on something like international vacations, we make time to talk.
I’ve generally felt less secure with people who don’t text consistently and learned it’s a compatibility issue for me.
My bf and I were friends for a year, and a few months before we started dating, we were already texting daily, so transitioning that communication into the relationship was pretty easy.
Every day. Everyone I’ve personally witnessed who does less than that and claims they’re just “independent” and “busy” has failed lol. Like even just 3 tects or a text and a 10 min phone call at the end of a busy days is fine
A few texts every now and then during the day. But everyday yeah. But not like huge paragraphs or something. 😂❤️
Don’t beat yourself up for not knowing, there’s nothing innate or objective to know. Communication needs to be reconfigured for every new relationship, romantic or otherwise
For myself, I am a yapper, and to paraphrase You’ve Got Mail, all those nothings can mean more to me than so many somethings. I’m happy to be texting or voice noting or chatting on and off for hours if I’m in a groove with someone. Especially if it started online and there was an established vibe, I would want to feel comfortable sending things as they come to me.
If we’d defined the relationship and there was more than a full day between, presumably after a convo addressing merging styles and expectations, I likely wouldn’t really feel like we were clicking and my brain would start to make noise. Overall I’m hesitant of masking or extremely changing such an everyday behavior in pursuit of a wish and a prayer of someone liking me/not scaring them off/not being too much
Male, and I struggle with this. I hate feeling obligated to text, but I also want to be in relationship where we are important to eachother. I go through waves of probably me being clingy vs waves of me just having 0 desire to text at all. But I am always present and earnest in person.
I got married to my highschool sweetheart and divorced 5yrs ago. Have had one serious relationship since then, but quite a few 1-8wk ones. I find this to be the most awkward phase of a relationship now. It feels so weird to me to get intimate with someone and then spend a few days or a week apart and just small talk over text? I almost feel like just rushing into things would be best even though that’s scary as well.
Daily throughout the day when you can is the normal for me. Obviously work/meetings/gym/catching up with friends/being with kids etc leads to periods of time without talking and sometimes hours upon hours but otherwise just talking back and forth is the normal for me and how I like it.
Everyone has different expectations though and perhaps it’s a conversation you need to have to see how much he wants to communicate to see if it’s similar or to ease your worry about it 🙂
I’m 29F, and I personally dont *need* to speak everyday but it would be nice to hear from them everyday in some capacity, like a voicemail, a “I was busy at work and am really tired but I hope your day went well” type deal.
I dont really like texting, I much prefer to hear their voice. Calling me and talking to me every few days is honestly ideal but I know thats kind of a hot take these days so I deal with the mediocre texting, just dont expect me to consistently respond, my phone lives on silent usually in another room unless I’m expecting a call or text
Multiple texts per day, random check ins, random memes, kiss emojis, or just to communicate what we’re doing. If I’m in love I want to share my life in the little things with that person. They are the first I think of when something small or big happens.
Anything else, I wouldn’t call a relationship personally
Everyone is different. U just gotta find someone compatible with your style
My partner and I don’t live in the same town and are restricted to seeing eachother Friday-Sunday at the moment. During the week we always call on our morning commutes to work (about 20ish minutes) and every night from about 8pm until about 9.30. During the day we text and sends reels etc but it’s sporadic due to work meetings etc etc. We have maintained this routine of communication from when we first matched on Hinged basically 🤣🥀 we’re about 4 months in. Consistency is key.
Im 40 F. My boyfriend is 32. We started off talking every day. Mainly in the evening.
4 months in we still talk through the day, every day. I see something random, i send it. He checks in.
We just chitchat.
We dont see each other much , once a week or sometimes just once every 2 weeks due to work/study etc. So not nearly as much we want but hopefully it gets better soon.
He knows i have issues😅 as in I have a little anxious attachment problems. He is patient with me. Understanding and he really puts up with my stupid questions sometimes to calm my mind during a spiralling.
So he knows every day communication is important for me. He might take few hours to reply but i know he will reply.
So in short for me every day is normal and in an established relationship i think it should be. Even if just a brief talk if not much a texter.
I would prefer maybe 1-2 texts to chat about our day, but the person I’m dating isn’t a huge texter so trying to adjust to that.
I think “normal” varies by people. I’ve been with the man I met on OLD for almost three years now and there genuinely hasn’t been a single day that we haven’t spoken to each other since I first sent him the message on Feeld. When we’re not together, he calls me every morning and evening if not more. I personally like the daily text/call and think hearing from the person you want to get serious with on a daily basis is good. But others may disagree.
I don’t think using one couple to compare your connection to is useful or good for your anxiety, though. There’s no “normal”, normal is whatever works for you and makes you feel calm and happy. So ask yourself is he making you feel happy? Safe? Anxious? Confused? Be honest with your feelings.
You can’t decide the success rate of an early relationship from texting patterns. I know our brains like to try and find certainty in uncertain situations, it’s a survival mechanism. But if your guy isn’t talking to you as often as you’d like him to, then you gotta make your feelings known. How he takes action after learning more about you will tell you far more about him than any text can, anyway.
I talk to most people I’m close with either daily or multiple times weekly. I send voice notes, how are you texts, share random anecdotes, cool things I found online, memes, funny reels, stuff about my day, and more. I’m an external processor an very extroverted, so I talk/write things to essentially process them, and I communicate a lot with people I’m close to. To me, a partner means a lot of communication, anything from a few texts a day to check in to a constant stream of communication. But we normally talk daily no matter what. I normally date people who are similar to me, or at least ones who want to engage in a way that’s compatible with me.
I only text for logistics otherwise I’d be melting down. I’m a one date a week kind of girl so unless he’s texting me to plan the date I’m not stressing about it