I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 years and we are finally about to move in together. We are both about to end our education, so it really feels like we are embarking on a serious long term adult relationship, with plans in getting married and having children in the future.
However, the mental illness of my girlfriend throws somewhat of a wrench into the bliss. She has been dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, OCD since her mid-teens; at times being unable to eg. attend school or university. At the time of me getting to know her, she was fairly stable. But about 6 month in, her condition deteriorated. Initially panic attacks about once a week, then becoming more and more frequent and lengthy. This in combination with a constant and deep insecurity that I would break up at any point in time. The smallest thing would trigger a spiraling behavior and culminate into an anxiety attack. The following day after such "crises" she is always deeply sorry and worried once more that this was the "final drop in the bucket" for me – triggering yet another anxiety attack.
During these episodes, I am her main "safety". She also sometimes lashes out, accusing me, during panic attacks, of not helping her enough or in general of not being "excited enough" to see her. After such episodes, I feel somewhat empty and love-less and take 1-2 days to equilibrate.
I was abroad for 3 months from January until March, during which things really took a turn for the worst. The separation was another source of massive anxiety, whenever she called I was half-expecting her to cry. She sees the smallest things (eg. me saying I" love you" instead of " I love you very much") as evidence that I am about to break up. This keeps me constantly on my toes (sometimes without even realizing it), trying to avoid situations or things that could trigger her anxiety/ worrying. I feel like I constantly have to perform. Whenever I am not feeling well, eg. I have a bad grade, she ends up replicating my bad mood and it ends up 3x worse.
In a nutshell, during the last year I have been feeling more and more like a caretaker and not as a boyfriend. She is seeing a therapist, but progress is marginal and slow.
Things are not great but manageable at the moment. However, I fear that when life really becomes more challenging in the future (me not doing well at some point, the extra stress of kids, …) I will be solely on my own. On the other hand, I really want things to work out and hope that her anxiety and constant worriness subsides.
It seems harsh to think, but this is maybe the last point in our lives where we are still able to separate without much chaos and ripple effects.
I am very grateful for any advice or reports about similar experiences.
TL;DR: I am uncertain if I really want to enter the "very serious long term" phase to our relationship due to the mental health problems of my girlfriend and the associated effects on daily life.